Community Rainbow Waves

Queer

I guess all through primary school I was always boy-crazy I had crush after crush, then when I got to high-school I met my new bestie group of friends, in that group was a girl for privacy reasons let’s call her Kate, she was already out she had been a while and I guess I liked hanging out with her I thought I just really liked her as a bestie but we grew closer until I was in art class one day and my friend(not real name) Lauren was talking to me and I completely zoned out and she just looked at me and asked me “are you thinking about Kate” I was Co fuse because I was and she just knew by how I looked at her that I had feeling s for her anyway moving on from Kate we dated for a little while and now we are just friends but we are still really close friends and those feeling are gone. I really didn’t know what I was because I had never gone out with a boy properly just a girl when I was quite young so there was no way of knowing my sexual identity. I knew this boy (not real name) josh liked me and I guess he was nice so I decided to ask him out and we really didn’t click so I still didnt know. I then heard of this show wynonna earp and my gay best friend keira (not her real name) told me about it she said it is what helped her discover herself and that the two gay charecters in it really spoke to her so I watched it and by season 2 I was so into it and I defiantly had a huge crush on the actor who played nicole so I guess I had girls down on my checklist to sexuality. After a few months if figuring myself out I realised that the people I liked I didn’t see gender I just liked who I liked boys, girls, FTM, MTF, so a day or 2 ago I was searching things about what my sexuality could be and I came across this website and I read through dominique provost chalkleys story and it helped me identify myself and who I loved and I am very greatful for that so now I am out to my mum, brother and my friends it’s just my dad left to tell which I am terrified about but I think with the right words I can do it
Thank you all who helped me discover myself (“kate”,,”Lauren”, “keira”, kat barrel, dominique provost-chalkley.)

Human who loves human

I have the luck to have a open-minded family so since I was 6 I remember watching shows like glee and never asking why there was a gay couple because I always thought that was a normal thing and I remember then watching Brittany and Santana (also in glee) and feeling a little something inside me so at the age of 8 I started watching youtube videos about the community or different channels of wlw and I realized there was a lot of people who hated the community and I started identifying as an ally and the next year (9 y/o) I became really close with to friends and I felt really good with them because we could talk about everything without anyone judging but I was still an “ally” until I was 11 I was a fan of a youtube channel of two girls from spain who are a couple and one of them made a clan in clash of clans and I decided to join, at that time I had a boyfriend, in the clan i met this girl (we are going to call her Lisa) and we became really good friends (through internet because we love distance) then i started having fillings for her but i had a boyfriend so i broke up with him (he was really possesive) and after i broke up with him one day lisa told me she liked me and i didn’t knew how to respond cause i was a little confused about my fillings so i told her that and we continue to be friends, 2 weeks leater i realised i liked her too so i armed my self with courage and i told her and became girlfriends and i started identifying my self as bisexual and i still do but i really dont care abut labels in my sexuality or gender. I first came out to one of my friends from when I was 9 y/o when I was 12 and then I started to come out with my closest friends until one day I was little sad because of a girl and my mom noticed and she asked me what happened and I didn’t tell her the truth but she didn’t believe me so she told me “I think you are a little confused with your sexuality” and I told her that I wasn´t and she asked me “so you’re straight” and that was the moment when I told her, No, and then she asked me if I was gay and I also said no and after some seconds thinking she asked me if I was bisexual and I told her, yes, and then I started crying and all the emotional stuff but she accepted me.
My mom told my dad and i didn’t know that he knew but he also accepted me and my brother as well. I’m not out at all because I have some friends that I never told but now that im 15 if someone asks me if I like girls I would tell them without a problem and I don’t try to hide my self, I do and post whatever i want. blessed it be

Julie

I’d always been a tomboy. I grew up with 5 brothers and 1 sister (I’m also the youngest), and my dad was all about ‘the sports’ so we’d often be playing football, rugby, and quite a bit of cricket.

When I reached secondary school I really started to notice my feelings towards girls. I’d experienced these feelings before but I hadn’t known what they were, how to identify them.

I grew up in a really dodgy part of Yorkshire in England. It wasn’t a place one would ever identify as a ‘safe space’. It always felt like the whole town was… stuck. There wasn’t any art or culture, no diversity, and there certainly weren’t any (out) gay people. At least none that I can remember.

There wasn’t much to do in my town so as teenagers, me and my friends would end up drinking on the streets. I would only ever talk about my feelings when I was drunk and NEVER with anyone else, only ever to myself. I’d sit there and say “you’re not a lesbian. You’re not a lesbian!”

I did NOT want to stand out, I didn’t want to be different. When I was 14, a girl in the year below me had been outed and her life was made a living hell. No way was I going to do that to myself. So I kept telling myself that I wasn’t gay, that I’d meet the perfect boy and all those feelings would melt away thanks to his chiselled jaw and amazing magical penis.

Anyways, eventually I got out of that town and at 18 went to University. On my very first day, the very first person I spoke to was a super smiley friendly girl named Rachel. We immediately clicked and became instant best friends. But uh-oh, those pesky feelings were bubbling up again!

I ramped up my efforts to find the magical penis that drives off any lesbian tendencies. Personally, I found it pretty gross. And rather boring.

After about 4 months mine and Rachel’s friendship blossomed into something else. And it was MIND BLOWING! The first time we were together it was like my whole body was suddenly awake. Every touch, every sensation was just utterly amazing (I’m being super gushy, sorry). I was DEFINITELY a lesbian.

It wasn’t easy sailing though. Rachel and I had quite a few ups and downs in the beginning. I’d finally accepted my feelings to myself and to Rachel, but my fear of people finding out I was gay was still firmly in place. That fear meant that I, at times, ended up hurting Rach. She wasn’t out either but she handled everything with a great deal more grace and elegance than I ever did.

Over time, as our fledgling romance deepened, we found the courage to come out to our friends. They were very loving and supportive which was a huge relief. I was terrified my best friend from home would be horrified and disown me, but her reaction was so far from it! Which is also silly because I’d known her since we were 6 years old, she was never going to push me away! But I suppose that’s why the fear intensifies when having to tell the most important people in your life – the idea of losing someone you love that much is a hard thing to shake off.

Rachel came out to her parents after about 6 months. Again, they were very accepting and welcomed me with open arms. When Rach was back home and I’d go to stay with them, not having to hide our relationship was such a weight off. We were even allowed to sleep in the same bed… Get in!! 😀

My coming out to my mum took just a little bit longer. Rach and I had been together almost a year. It was Christmas in the second year of uni and Rach was going back to her parents and I to mine. My brother came to pick me up and saw me saying a very soppy goodbye to my ‘best friend’. Over the 20 minute car journey he finally asked me “are you two a couple?”. The word “yes” sat in my throat for what felt like a lifetime. I eventually managed to push it out and then waited for the repercussions…

The smile on my brother’s face was the most relieving thing in the whole wide world. We talked, we laughed, I *nearly* cried (I’m not very good with emotions). Problem was, now my brother knew, it meant I had to tell my mum.

My mum is a very intelligent woman with some interesting views, shall we say. She had gay friends when I was in my teens, but she always called them ‘queers’ and not in the positive way. In a nutshell, I was sh*tting it.

I spent the whole of the two week Christmas break hovering, trying to blurt out “I’m a giant lesbian!”. I almost said it after watching ‘Bend Is Like Beckham’ after the whole confusion where Keira Knightley’s mum thinks she’s a lesbian. I took a deep breath, had the words ready, and said “right, I’m off to bed then”. Fail.

The last morning before going home I went and sat on my mum’s bed to talk to her. I still couldn’t do it. My mum threw me a lifeline though – “is there something you want to tell me? I feel like you’ve been hovering”. I got under her duvet, covered my face, heart pounding through my chest, lump in my throat, “me and Rach are an item”. Head between legs, fingers in ears, wait for the eruption…

“I know. I heard you call her ‘sweetheart’ on the phone. I didn’t ask because I wanted you to tell me in your own time”. And just like that, my mum knew I was gay and my world didn’t end. I even got a call from my gran telling me I was still the same person, and “we talk to ’em (gay people) don’t we!” She was trying to be sweet so I let that go.

My mum took it well initially but still had her own struggles with me coming out, mainly because she had plans for me to have a strapping young husband to do her DIY. She got there in the end though.

Rachel and I have now been together for 16 years and our 12th Wedding anniversary is in May. We have a 6 year old son and live a very happy ‘out’ existence. That smiley girl, the very first person a shy me spoke to at Uni, became the love of my life.

Apologies for the huge essay.

Final note though – if I’ve learned anything in my 34 years, it’s love who you love and live your best life for you.

Stay kind beautiful people.

One More Drop In This Gorgeous Sea

Firstly pardon my english, I’m actually brasilian.
We all want answers. When we are kids almost EVERYTHING amazes us, and when we grow up, our questions gets more and more complex and complicated…

But Well… I KNOW Love is not one of them. I felt it before.

When It gets complicated, then it’s not love, cause Love transforms a messy knot into a beautifull colorfull line (like a rainbow haha)

Love is understandingfull. Love is kind. And love is not just a feeling itself… It is a way to see the world, and the lackness of it, in some moments, disconect us from the BEST within us.
If you don’t believe me just remember that everything we make with loving, end up beautifull, colorfull, organized (just look at the sky at night), sweet… like a gentle breeze sliding through every strand of hair…

Love is not only about ourselves, but about others too, cause we can donate from us this beautiful energy. By admiring someone, by giving importance to that person,
by touching and being touched by everything that ever happened to that person.
But also love is NOT the absence of pain! Love is a way of living that allow us to be STRONG when pain comes, and not being complainfull about it…
there is actually a spoiled side of us to think that EVERYTHING is ALWAYS destined to end up well… (and by “well” I meant the way we WANT it to end up) Cause It won’t. Which is good, cause pain help us grow. If pain make you feel more scared, then you’re not loving.
I KNOW everything has a purpose. Nature shows us EVERYTHING has a purpose. Sometimes we just don’t know what for.
I do care about LGBT comunity, cause it is important to talk about LOVE diversity. There is many many ways to get to this sea.

As I discovered those paths I realized few important things… You don’t NEED to change everything you are because you realized something new about yourself, but if you WANT TO, then so be it: Change!
But Change for better! Use comprehension, not hate. Otherwise isn’t it hipocrisy to fight hate and exclusion with hating and exclusion?
Does EVERYTHING has to evolve through pain? Does peace has to arrive through battle wounds? Can’t we just KNOW it by heart?
It doesn’t mean we should trust everyone, It is DUMB. It means we should always hope for the better of someone, as much as we hope for ourselves.
But remember… you are still you! With new improves haha. Don’t you EVER forget who you are. What you truly believe. What you really want. And most importantly don’t you ever forget about love. And if there is no love, then you shouldn’t content yourself with less!

And I guess that’s my flag. I don’t know, but ONE DAY, I’ll be strong enough to make people around me feel like this: powerfull, bold, strong, important, seen and happy.
I am nobody. But a nobody with a lot in my mind, I guess…

Aaaaand that’s how I came out.

Samantha – Homoromantic Demisexual – She/Her/Hers

My story takes place in Texas, commonly known as one of the least open-minded states in the United States. My story is a long one, as my identity evolved drastically through time. I am blessed, however, to have grown up in a very loving and accepting family. I’ve known members of the LGBTQ2IA+ community my whole life, yet I never really considered it for myself until I was around 16. As a kid everyone would ask what we wanted to be when we grew up and I would stay silent because there’s only one thing I’ve ever wanted to be. Happy. At 16 I had no idea who I was and how could I be happy when I didn’t even know what or who I wanted in life. I honestly didn’t have much to go off of, I’d never had so much as a crush on anyone, regardless of gender. I credit much of my realization to the love I have for television. At 16 I would watch pairings like Clarke and Lexa from the 100 and it helped me to accept the fact that maybe I was gay. I say that like I was just like “Yep, I’m gay” but honestly I just felt like I needed to put a label on myself and although “gay” didn’t really feel like it fit who I was completely, I didn’t really know what else I could be. I could imagine myself in a relationship with a woman in a way that, to this day, I cannot imagine with a man. And honestly, the thought terrified me. Society can be cruel, as can my mind. I began to ask myself if the “unconditional” love my parents had for me was truly that, or if I would lose everything and everyone I love in one fell swoop by coming out. I mentally weighed the options countless times and basically began to prepare for the worst. Family and friends have always been the most important thing in my life and therefore, I decided that I if I could save my relationships by waiting for the “perfect moment” then that’s what I would do. Fear cost me a year of my life and I quickly learned that the perfect moment does not exist. So I decided to do what I do best, and write it down. See I’ve tried the in person coming out thing and call me a coward, but I am not built for the extra level of stress and anxiety it gave me. So a week after my 17th birthday, I came out to my parents as gay via college application. I don’t think I’ll ever forget holding my breath as they read over my shoulder, nor will I forget the silence that seemed to last forever before my mother sat next to me, turned towards me, and asked…”so you really never want to see men naked????” I laughed and the anxiety began to fade, even if the label wasn’t a perfect fit. I knew it was just the first step to coming out, but I had at least gotten through it alive. Though the inaccuracy of the label I had given myself still bothered me. That’s when I turned to research. So. Much. Research. Why didn’t I experience crushes the same way that other people did? Why did I not care at all about sex in a society that was seemingly obsessed with it? That same week I came across AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, and began to read. I cried. They were describing me. Until that moment I had never heard of asexuality, it was so far off my radar and I quickly learned just how far off everyone else’s radar it was too. Cut to 18 year old me entering college for the first time. At this point I had come out to my immediate family. Again. And a select few of my friends. I had also been told by various people that people like me “shouldn’t exist” or that it was just a phase I would grow out of. I learned how common it was for asexual people to feel broken or even inhuman. People often assume that due to our sexuality, we don’t have emotions or the capacity to love or be loved. A cruel assumption but one that still occasionally plagues my feeling of self-worth. Despite these social pressures however, I entered college wanting nothing more than to be out and proud in this new place with all these new people. For the most part I was, though I knew that for every acquaintance I told, there was a family member that should’ve heard it from me first. So once again, I wrote it down. At 19, I came out on instagram and the same week I mailed 7 coming out letters and just like that, I was out to the world. The most stressful week of my life freed me. I was able to finally live my life as the emotional burden began to lift. Never have I been prouder of myself than in that moment. The 3 year journey led me to finally feeling seen and comfortable with who I am. Flashing forward to my life now as a 20 year old, my journey continues towards self-love. And although the state of the world worries me, I can honestly say that sitting down with my parents during this quarantine and watching Wynonna Earp, I really feel, for the first time in a very long time, happy. #OutIsTheNewIn

Non binary who loves life

When I was in 8th grade I went to a Catholic school. Dating period wasn’t something that was talked about and was just kinda wrong. After a sleep over with some good friends I was cuddled by a best friend. Something in that moment made me feel something that no guy had ever made me feel. In the following weeks I noticed little things about this girl that sat next to me. It exploded from there. 2 months after this someone outed me. No one talked to me I became a social out cast in an extremely small school.

My dad loved me from the start. He’s supported me so much he’s taken me to pride events and I love him for it. He isn’t exactly okay with the idea of non binary people. He just says they want attention but I don’t feel okay telling him that I identify as that. He loves me but it’s part of my life that I have to hide from him. But despite what he thinks I know how I am.
I am a strong human being who loves art and baking and I couldn’t be more greatful for a place to share my story.

Closets Are For Clothes

When I first started to recognize my sexuality, I was thirteen years old. I was at the movies and when the lead actress appeared, there was a rush of desire. For the first time, I understood what all the fuss was about – but I knew I had to keep it a secret. I’d grown up in a small town and I’d never met an openly gay woman, but I knew what people thought of them.

That actress was the first in a long line of crushes. I spent so much time daydreaming about those women, and it felt good and right, but I stopped short of imagining myself with a girl.

I couldn’t be a lesbian. None of the lesbians I’d seen in the media looked, dressed, or acted anything like me. This was during the 90s, and I’d internalized a boat load of homophobia. The articles I sought out in teen magazines reassured me. According to them, a lot of girls had crushes on other girls, but it was a phase they grew out of.

Throughout all of this, I was dating guys. I said yes to anyone who asked me but as soon as I had a boyfriend, I’d do everything I could to distance myself. Being with boys gave me a strange, awful, empty feeling.

Later, there was a lot of guilt to untangle about the way I’d treated these guys. Plus, I had a lot of work to do to unlearn the internalized homophobia that had made me so sure I wasn’t gay in the first place.

I went from lying to myself about it, to accepting that it wasn’t going to change. During that time, I promised myself that nobody would ever find out. Then, slowly, I realized that I couldn’t live a full life without being open. I get that it’s not that way for everyone, but I sensed that it would be like that for me.

I inched out of the closet. First, I told my siblings, then my best friends, one parent and then another, gradually other friends and family. My worst fears never came true, but it wasn’t all positive either. There were reactions that hurt like hell.

That was nearly fifteen years ago, and I’m still coming out. It’s true when people say that it never stops, but it’s not hard anymore.

There was a time when I would have done anything to make it go away. If there was a magic pill that could have made me straight, I probably would have taken it.

The fact that the world makes young people feel that way is tragic. Boil it down to its simplest parts, and people who have a problem with LGBTQ+ people just can’t handle difference. They want everyone to be like them, so they can feel that their way of being is the only correct one. That speaks to a deep insecurity and unhappiness.

I love my life. Being gay is a part of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve got a long-term girlfriend, great friends, a job I like. I still get crushes on celebrities, and it would never occur to me to hide it anymore. Hard-won pride is pretty sweet!

A strong queer socially anxious chilean teenager who is awakening into a higher self

CONTENT WARNING: THIS COMING OUT STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTION AND/OR DISCUSSION OF SELF-HARMING BEHAVIOR AND SUICIDE.

I turned 18 on January 17th, i guess you could say I have permission to do “grown people stuff” but reading this got me thinking.. why is it legal to have alcohol or whatever at 18 but love in any shape or gender it’s seen as something not normal in any age

I’ve known i was queer since i’ve been a child (10) and at first it seemed really normal to me, feeling butterflies when i hugged my best friend but as I started to grow older i noticed it wasn’t portrayed as something normal or it was portrayed but not the same way as heterosexual love, it was overly sexualised with wlw and i used to hear family member talking about people they knew that were gay, whispering about them like that wasn’t someway ok.
I started pushing away those feelings and i kinda pushed myself to feel something towards boys. Music and films have always been an escape for me but i couldn’t somehow the same representation in the tv on my country so i discovered more representation but in international tv, shows like glee haha and i was honestly in love with the character Santana Lopez because she was gay and also latina too, i felt for once seen.

I started looking up to “famous people” i remember my first celebrity crush was Miley Cyrus.. I was obsessed with her, then i started having butterflies over Justin Bieber so i was really confused because i’ve always heard bad things about bisexual/pansexual people like “they’re promiscous” or one family member that told me “they’d rather have a family member that’s gay instead of being bisexual” for the same reason. Then the crushes went on with different singers and actors and without even noticing i realized i begin to noticed that i could understand english because i’d would listen to music, watch tv, watch the premiere episodes (without subtitles because i didn’t want to stay behind). I fell in love at 15 with a girl from another country, it was beautiful honestly i felt really loved, i felt forced to come out to my mom/and friends because i didn’t want her to feel like i was hiding the relationship, my mom started crying horribly but supported me and she told my dad the same day without my knowledge. I told my dad a year later and he was supportive but he really didn’t think it would last “it was a phase” and “how i was able to know if i’ve never had sex with a boy or a girl” months later it all went wrong with my gf at the time and i got my heart broken.
Oh god that’s the worst feeling ever, my heart physically hurted but with love from my close friends, family, music i was able to be okay again, my dad over the years started noticing it wasn’t a phase, and started to not care too much about my sexuality. My sister is great because she always knew and was okay with it.

(((((((((((trigger warning ))))))))
I’ve also struggled my whole and (short) life with depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies/thoughts. My parents divorced when i was 1 year old but they still lived together until i was like 7, my father was abusive with me, sometimes my sister but mostly my mom. When i was really young i saw all the violence, i hear all the insults and shouting, i saw how he grabbed my mom and punched her.

Obviously as i started to grow older i develop an aggressive personality too but because i was so angry at him. I used to hate him for a while and i didn’t treat him right either so he would emotionally abuse me, he made me feel so insecure about my self, my body, my mind, the things i enjoyed that i even forgot i was a person. My sister would get on his side because he would manipulate her. He always compared me to my sister and viceversa, congratulated when one of us was “slimmer” and tell the other one that should lose weight. My sister and i until this day struggle with body dismorphia because of this and we always used to fight, treat each other so bad because we didn’t think of each other as ONE but as competition.

When the relationship between my mom and dad couldn’t be forced anymore, my dad got a job in another city and me, my mom and my sister started living in another state.

My dad would come to visit us but my parents always fought over meaningless stuff. I started to notice that the abuse that my dad did to my mom made her ill, she started developing bpd.
I used to treat myself so bad, i would force myself not to eat, i would sleep all day, i would be on pills to keep myself awake or to fall sleep, i would punch myself, hurt myself.
My family couldn’t understand that i was clearly not ok, that i wasn’t being dramatic when i smashed my head into the wall whenever i was upset, that i would either eat too much or eat nothing. My dad never and until this day doesn’t believe in mental health and mental illnesses “they are not real, you are just lazy” “you need to change your mindset” the last one is true but it ain’t that easy because it’s not something you choose, it’s more than a feeling, it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain. When i was 14-16 i was diagnosed with social anxiety. It was the worst period of my lifetime because i wasn’t able to do normal activities my friends could, like go shopping cause crowds made me anxious and trying into clothes triggered me, talk to new people, practicing something new because i couldn’t face rejection, eating in front of people. I stayed in my house all the time sleeping or eating.

I tried committing suicide when i was about 14 and 16, i was hospitalized like three times for 1-2 months. He got worried but he started to made me feel guilty. My mom helped me out a lot and so did my sister, my father slowly started to try to help me in the way he could even though he wasn’t great he was at least trying.

When i there were only 4 years left until i graduate school i changed to a new one because i failed one year since i was hospitalized and lost many days. I was hopeless and my friend’s mom told her about an art school project that’s close to my city my mom told me about it and i got excited but i wasn’t sure, it wasn’t like i had an option because school was 2 weeks ahead, so i said yes.

It was a great decision. I met new people, people liked me. I could start a new life. I started doing things i never thought i’d be able to do again, i was learning about things that i loved, i got closer to music, i even try acting a few times (it was horrifying and had several multiple panic attacks but i can say that i could do it at least three times).
In the two last years of school (in this school) you have to choose specialty between arts, music or theater. I was between music and theater but the last one would make my anxiety even worse so i protected myself and choose music (i wanted to go to that school because of music at first) and it was the best decision i could make, i didn’t have friends at first and felt lonely for a couple of months and i felt stupid because everyone could play an instrument or sing(i could too but i wasn’t THAT great) i didn’t want to go because the voice in my head was there again, making me feel like i wasn’t enough, i didn’t deserve to be there.
Until a met my closest friend now. I’ve never felt more blessed, she’s everything i could ask in a friend, she respects me and my space, hears me, she’s a great musician and doesn’t make me feel like i’m an idiot for not knowing some things, she explaines to me those things, she is nice and kind, really funny and gives the best hugs ever. She wasn’t in the best headspace too i truly believe we found each other for a reason because we’ve grown so much together, we’ve faced fears and challenges together.
One teacher believed in me and talked to me about why i wasn’t going and i told him that i didn’t feel like i was enough, he said to me that i was and that i did have talent and that i was passionate about music. He saw something in me and didn’t leaved me behind, he was really kind to me, he helped me a lot.

I was able to get in in the little orchesta of the school and they teached me clarinet, i fell in love with wind instruments and i had never thought i was even able to play one….
I was able to play in concerts, last year one of our classmates passed away.. it was really hard for everyone, we went to the funeral and played for them because that’s what the parents also wanted. Ive always been drawned to spirituality but i’ve never knew what to do about it, you prettyyyy and mysterious universe haha i forgot to say it but in 2017 i discovered Wynonna Earp and boyyyy it saved my life. I did some research on the people who played the characters and found a small little angel that i was drawn to miss dom!!! i don’t remember exactly when but i noticed she was vegan and had a channel in youtube “start the wave” i’ve tried going vegetarian once but i went back on meat because my family didn’t understand i wasn’t that informed so b12 was kinda fucking me uppppp sis hahah but anyway these videos helped me so m u c h i’ve been vegetarian since i saw that “veganism” video. I eat vegan food every time i possibly can and the same with drinking milk or eggs because i honestly don’t even like those things anymore. Dominique idk if you’re reading this or if you will ever read this between the amount of stories you receive but there’s one thing you should know.

I wouldn’t be the same person if i would had not found you, in fact i’m not sure if i were able to have the strength to make it trough. you had helped me so much, made me connect with myself and my spirituality again, made me realize so many things about love. I’m forever grateful and i truly hope one day i’ll be able to tell you this in person and hug you, you made a huge positive impact on my life, i want nothing but love and feeling at peace.

I truly believe the world is awakening too, we’ve never been more aware, last year the country i live had a rebellion, a beautiful one, people finally started to protest against the system, reclaiming for the rights. The young generation like me did it, and then everyone slowly started to join, even though the coward system and police repressed us by killing and disappearing people, by shooting lacrymogenic on porpuse to people’s eyes (many people lost their eyes for this reason), by torturing people, etc we the young generation are not giving up, we get that the older generation is mostly scared because of the dictatorship of Pinochet in the 73’ but we are not giving up on our rights, we will not let old people die waiting for health or having a miserable jubilation, we’re not letting them to live indebted all of our lives and never living with dignity either, we crave justice for the missing, for the femicide, for the children who live in a system called “sename” who’s supposed to take care of them by taking them away of dangerous situations/houses, but instead make them live a living hell there.

I’ve never felt better and aware, since last year i got into divination, wicca, meditation, crystals, into healing myself, taking care of myself, going to the psychiatrist, started to do things because i enjoyed them even if i feel i suck, started playing the saxophone, singing more and playing more guitar, exercise, i don’t have my life resolved but i’m enjoying the little things for now, finding purpose. My mom’s mental health is not great either but she tries her best, my sister and I get along so fucking good, we laugh sooo much together, talk about these things that made us turn out this way, the things we lived, everything, she’s a beautiful soul. I feel so fucking connected to the universe know that it sorta freaks me out, like synchronization, seeing the same numbers everywhere, manifestation and believe me you don’t even know how much you helped and help me until today.

my story is not over yet and i may have wrotte some words wrong but i am proud of everything i’ve been trough, i’m proud of knowing english and understanding without even studying it, i’m proud of the person reading this, i’m proud we’ve all made it this far, i’m proud of dominique. i’m proud of being queer.

Pansexual

I had some of my first thoughts about being with girls when I was about 9 or so years old. Prior to that I had never really been interested in anyone or being with any one in a romantic way. At this point in my life I didn’t even know being queer was an option. Although I do live in an accepting home, There were never any situations where I was exposed to this kind of love. At the time, I had just thought I was being weird, and I kind of just lost interest in even thinking about anyone in a special way, whether that’s because I was trying to hide my true self, or that’s just who I was I still don’t know. Fast forward 3 years or so, I had met two friends in school and gradually we grew closer together. Over the summer us 3 would face time nearly every day, and they knew a secret that I didn’t because they were friends before they knew me. One of them was gay. That declaration got me thinking, and opened up a door in some ways. I thought about whether that could be me, but I always just though, “No, you just want to be like her.” Because I admired her in a way, and still do. And then I stumbled across a wonderfully written show, Wynonna Earp. The character of Waverly, portrayed by the lovely Dominique Provost-Chalkley, sort of made me realize something. It’s hard to explain, but the idea that you can be swept off your feet by someone you never even thought you would ever be with really spoke to me. I myself identify as female, and I thought about it. I could be with a man, sure. But I also thought that I would be okay with dating a woman as well. I couldn’t care less what they identified as, as long as I love the person. And not long after through the openness and support of my friends I was able to tell them, all of them, and no one ever saw me any different. In fact, me and another friend of mine (who is bisexual) helped someone else be open about who they were to our friend group, which was beautiful. And that night we decided on a funny way to tell my parents. I am so thankful that my family was so accepting, and simply didn’t care. My whole life my parents never referred to my future lover as a husband, they always said “whoever I marry” which helped a lot. So, the way that I decided to come out was through the use of a pumpkin. My friend painted a pan sexual flag on a little pumpkin, and I labeled it ‘Panpkin’. I put it on the mantle one fireplace, and my sister figured it out almost immediately, and when my mom finally got it, she spoke to me about it. Since then I’ve been living an amazing life with incredibly supportive friends and family, and because Waverly was such an important figure during my journey, I decided to name my beloved Portuguese Water Dog after her. She’s 5 months old and a racket, but I love her none the less.

My name is Gaby and I´m Queer

Hi guys my name is Gaby, I have 23 years old and I from Venezuela but I live in Argentina.

so here goes:
I started to feel strange when I was very young, when I have 10 I started to realize that I was attracted to one girl in my school something that not happened to me with boys, it was a stange felling it scared me a lot I studied in a religious school and my family were very traditional So what they had instilled in me since I was little was that those feelings I was having were VERY BAD because of that I made my feelings go aside I grew up trying to ignore what I felt, I knew that something was different in me and that kept scaring me a lot, I did not talk to anyone, many nights I cried and told myself that it could not be like this, God going to punish me and that My mom would suffer a lot, so I kept ignoring that feeling and hid it pretty well until I fell in love. I fell in love with a girl without realizing how it happened, but it was what I felt, I do not know what happened to me, but one day I woke up and told myself that I could not continue deceiving myself, that I could not let go of my happiness because of people think bad about me, so I dared to be myself, it was not easy to accept me but when I decided to talk to my friends they supported me 100%, gave me strength, I started to read and see lgbt characters on tv what made me inspire me more and more and make me feel great, YES I am different and what? being different is AWASOME.

Time passed and I decided to come out the closet with my mom, I can swear that it has been the most hard and sad moment for me, she cried a lot, got angry to the point of calling the who was my girlfriend at that time and demand her that she move away from me I was a minor (16 years to be exact), that night I felt extremely bad I came to feel very guilty for all the pain my mom was feeling, for my mom, being a lesbian was the same as being a drug addict, coming out with my mom it was not nice, but I must say that it is the best thing that I could do, After several visits to the psychiatrist, many conversations, and all the information my mother sought about homosexuality, today my mother has become my greatest support. hearing from my mother “You are my daughter, I love and accept you as and as you are “is the most gratifying and beautiful thing that has happened to me, she supports me, she loves me as well as she also loves my girlfriend (The love of my life), little by little I was telling my cousins and aunts my truth and I The only thing I have received is love and support, now and after several years (I am 23 years old) I can say that I am a free woman to love whoever I wantand with all the confidence to shout it out to the world, thank you To my mother who despite being from another era and being a traditionalist, put love for her daughter before everything, thanks to my friends for always supporting me, thanks to the fact that we now have good and incredible LGBTQ representation on TV, I must thank the universe for putting such amazing people in my life. I really hope that if you are reading this it will help you, that you understand you are not alone, that the world is a beautiful place, love always win because LOVE IS LOVE and love is what moves the world.
Be BRAVE, be STRONG, be HAPPY and FREE.

This was my story, thanks for letting me share it with you