Community Rainbow Waves

Tara

Well to start this I guess no one knows who I am but hi I’m Tara

And I guess this is my coming out story uwu!!

I remember the first time I ever learnt about the lgbtq Community was from a girl I met in year 7, she said she was bi leaning that she liked men and women and I remember thinking to my self like are you even aloud to like your own gender, from there on it’s always had me thinking about and I started to see the word in a different light, after a while I started to moved to liking girls and seeing how pretty they were, she I cam out bi still being unsure on what gender I liked, I had started dating a boy but it only lasted for 2 weeks because I just didn’t feel any connection to him, we felt more like best friends then a relationship and we kept it at that growing a even stronger friendship, half way through year 7 I had met a girl named Charlotte and she had changed my work for the best/worst I don’t remember much but we ended up dating for a year but I remember her telling me after our one year that she hadn’t been happy for months and only stayed in the relationship to keep me happy, I felt hurt because I had actually grown to like her but looking back at it now it was a toxic place in my life,

When I told my mom in 2017 I might be bi she was kind of shooked and said it’s probably just a phase and I’ll grow out of it and boy is she wrong because it’s 2020 and I’m a lesbian, anyways

I remember back in 2017 watching pitch perfect 3 for the first time not watching the first two and I shipped beca and Chloe for such a long time and that’s what kind of helps me to know what I wanted, even though they never got cannoned, after 2017 I hit a hard point of my life my dad left our family and basically cut all contacts with me and took my baby piper away who was my boxer, I had loved that dog with all my heart, but I was also glad my dad was gone because he was never there for me growing up and was always just toxic and rude, even now days he does not bother to she me any love and yet shows it to my brother and it does hurt me at Times because I’ll never get that have to father daughter experience that others get to have but this is my life, at this time in my life o had also gained weight and felt even more depressed about my self, as everyone around me was skinny and pretty where as I was the 5,4 girl with the extra weight just trying to fit in but never could, it wasn’t really until I left my old school and moved that I had found my passion for film and photography, one day hoping to be a movie producer and Director, and I had made much better friends who where all in so way gay, fast forward to 2020 being where I am I’m still in locked down but I had discovered Wynonna Earp, at first I didn’t want t watch it because I heard a lesbian died and I didn’t want to cry over it but then i watched it, and I just have to say I am in love with the show the cast and crew and the fandom, they have to be some of the nicest people I met and I’m now big fans of Kat and dom I fell my cheeks hurting from smiling, and because of their characters Waverley earp and Nicole haught I have truly discovered who I am and “I am a lesbian”, when I went to tell my mum again I was I bit nervous since what happened back in 2017 but I wrote it on paper and gave it to her, to my luck she supports me and says just because you like. Girls doesn’t change anything and it made me feel really great to know I will always have one parent who loves and supports me for who I am

And I’m now starting to get my life on track and have managed to lose weight and I feel a bit better about my self

To anyone reading I wanna say sorry this 12:30 am and I kind of wrote this on the spot.

Lili

A part of me always knew, since I was a child I had a class of attention for women, I always liked to be helpful with them, to take care of them, to be for them.
But I had never seen this kind of relationship until I was 13 – 14 years old, that’s when I realized that this society and my family would not receive me with open arms. And I struggled for years to stop being myself, it was a very difficult time, where I hated myself. I told myself that this was going to happen and that I wasn’t really a lesbian.
It was that time with that girl, that only by the touch of her hand with my hand I knew that this was not a stage that was totally wrong.
Then I met someone like me who lived her life freely, we became friends. I filled her with questions because I wanted to know why this had happened to me, was it normal? Why couldn’t I get the woman I liked out of my mind? Should I tell my parents?
I am grateful that she helped me to find myself and not wish for death, I know she went through her hell too.
And I also discovered that it was not just her and me but that a very large community was supporting and encouraging us to go and get these colors out.
Now I am proud of who I am, I have no doubt. I know it’s still hard for me, I have no support in my family. But that doesn’t stop me, if I have to walk alone, I will do it.
Thank you for this space, Dom, you also had a hand in finding out where I belong.

Im a trans boy😋

I knew I was unique at the age of about 12, I had talked to my parents who had told.me if I was ever “gay” they would kick me out and a year later I ce out at lesbian. I then was like that for about a year and throughout that I was bullied and told I should commit scuicide bc I was a sin in the eyes of God of some shit but I then after several mental healthe issues I finally came out as transgender ftm and im now 19 and I’m the happiest man to ever walk the earth. Thankyou Dom for comming out your role as Waverly really helped me come out to my family and friends. Love.you girly

Gay (she/her)

Oh man. Where do I begin, how do I even begin. I’ll just keep it as short as I can, because there is things I can’t yet discuss. I’m 25 years old and I am a proud gay woman. I came out (if you can call it that) about 6 years ago. The way it came to be is not how I have planned it. Things happened to me that previous night and the following day set everything in motion. It was awful and I had no one to stand beside me. I was in a dark place, my family didn’t want to talk to me. I didn’t know what was going on around me. When I was young I’ve always known that I was different, that I like girls, not boys. I felt like the odd one, like the weird one. I have a crush on this girl but it can’t be right. Hell, I was so young, how did I know what all this meant? I had so many questions but no one to ask them to. It was hard and I felt like I was suffocating. My family at that point (I actually still don’t know if they changed their views) was completely against our community and what they’ve learned about me. I was told it was not the way I was raised, that I am the “black sheep”, like I was intoxicated by my friends, that they were a bad influence on me. There was a point that I thought I didn’t belong in this world anymore, that I could just end it all. I am in a relationship and they seem to accept it. I feel somewhat free, but also feel I’m not entirely myself yet. I’ve recently told my girlfriend of 5 years (and now you’re the second, third or fourth person to know the next part) that I think I feel like a man, but I don’t know what to make of it. Will people except it, will they expect me. Shit, what will my family say? I just want to be myself, and live a fearless life, with all the beautiful things I sometimes see this world has to offer.

So this is me, coming out again and coming out with something I’m not sure about.

Thank you for creating this space and thank you for making me feel so welcomed that I could share this without any hesitation.

LivingVicarously85

My story starts very similar to Dominique’s. I know now that I always knew I was into girls as well as boys, but it took me 26 years and falling head over heals in love to accept that. Growing up I didn’t have anyone in my life that identified as anything other than straight and my passion for escaping life through tv, movies, and books, there was never any other representation other than straight. As I grew into my womanhood, I have fond memories of my mom and sister asking me if I was gay and telling me that it didn’t matter, they just want me to be happy. I was lucky in that aspect, but I couldn’t accept that it was okay and continuously fought them on this claiming I liked BOYS. I was scared. One day my mom and I were watching our favorite day-time soap show All My Children and a beloved character on the show came out as a Lesbian, my mom hoped that this was inspire me to come out as well, but all I remember is how terrified the character was and how people started to treat her differently. Added to that, gay people weren’t treated nicely where I lived. In high school I can vividly remember the girls who came out and how horrible they were treated by fellow classmates. In college, I lost my dad to cancer and dived head first into being a role model on campus and making a positive change, but the one organization that worried me was the LGBTQ+ because by this time I was so worried that they would be able to see a part of me that I had buried deep inside of me. I liked guys and that was that (even though I had yet to have an actual relationship with one).

As life went on there was always a nagging voice in my head asking what if, but by this time it surely must be too late to come out and now that I worked with students full time, what would that mean for my career? Would I stop getting jobs because I may like girls? Nope, gotta be straight, there will be a guy one day that I will fall in love with.

Then it happened… that moment that I was scared would one day come. I met her. I had just started a new job where I would be living onsite with 14 other educators teaching outdoor education and on the first day of moving into my new house, a group of girls walked into my room and asked if I wanted to go grocery shopping with them. I remember the first time I looked at her and felt the butterflies.

She was going with them and I was going to get to know her. She would become my best friend, I would make sure of that. As our friendship grew (it felt like finding my other half) we both quickly became to realize that there was more to what was between us than just friendship. I started fighting that, it wasn’t right, I am straight. For 4 months I fought my feelings for her until 1 night I couldn’t fight it any longer and we shared our first kiss. It was like FIREWORKS going off. Honestly the most passionate kiss of my life.

We navigated life for the next 6 months as life threw everything against us. For starters, my new partner wasn’t keen on being out of the closet (understandably so), my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and just a mere 8 months into our relationship, my girlfriend (which omg how exciting to say that!) had to return back to the UK due to her visa. Needless to say we didn’t last as a couple, though our love for one another has never died and we continue to be very close friends. My life also sent me from the USA to Australia unexpectedly and with a breaking heart, I left my mom with promise to return, but she had other plans and passed the day after I arrived in Australia. She accepted me for everything I am and told me to go be free for once. If only for that, I could never thank her enough, but she was also just an incredibly, loving and amazing woman for whom I was blessed to be raised by.

In Australia I knew no one my age, and lived in an area of Sydney predominately non English speaking, so I looked online for a way to meet people and I discovered The Sydney Gay Girls on meetup.com. What would it feel like to just be gay??? To meet people who automatically saw me as a lesbian and didn’t care?? For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel judged. I went to my first meetup with 6 other girls and felt like I was finally living as my true self. I quickly started hosting meetups with a friend and now 8 years after coming out (spending the first 2 years still in the closet), I am getting ready to marry the most amazing, beautiful woman and continuing to spend the rest of my life living true to myself.

I share my story because I was afraid when growing up what society might think of me. I only had Xena as a model and as amazing as she was, even her show was afraid to fulfil that last confirmation. Today there are more and more representation of the LGTBQ+ in culture (thank you Dom for being a HUGE part of that), and I hope that the more stories there are and more acceptance, that one day people wont even question who you love and how you identify, it’ll just be normal being you.

The world is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people.

Sometimes we just need a little storm to let the rainbows shine brightest.

Come out and shine with me <3

#OutIsTheNewIn

Why_the_universe

I found out that I can love girls as well, when I met a young lady named Evelyn in summer 2014. My parents and I were on vacation in Spain and she was the host of a series of beach parties I went to. We never kissed, we barely talked but I was deeply attracted to her. Looking back, I already had a few crushes on girls way before summer 2014. But only then I realized how serious it was. Back in Germany I tried to forget about Evelyn, forget about those feelings and tried to suppress everything. It didn’t work out – of course. The first person I told was my best friend. I honestly don’t remember the conversation we had. But I felt better after. So I told another friend. And another. Everyone was being chill about it. One of my friends suggested that it might be a phase. I know she wanted to calm me down but the minute she said it, I knew that it wasn’t a phase. I knew that this was indeed my truest self. It still needed a lot of time to accept that though. I told my mother more or less “by accident”. We listened to some music until a song came on that reminded me of Evelyn. I started crying and my mother tried to figure out what was going on. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her. She started crying too because she was worried about me and after what felt like ages, I whispered that I might be into girls as well. Then she started crying even more because on one hand, she was relieved that it was “just that” and on the other hand, it caused her so much pain to see me in such a bad state. The next day we told my dad together. It came unexpected for him and he didn’t react in an emotional way but now I know that he was actually so emotional, that he tried to hide it from me. He wasn’t emotional because he didn’t want me to be gay but because he knew the troubled path I had in front of me. I still don’t know why it took me so long to truly accept who I am. My parents were full on supporting me. The more friends I told, the more acceptance I felt. Still – in 2016 I became depressive and had to go to therapy. It helped me a lot. The same year I went to my first Christopher Street Day. I also graduated school and started studying at university in another city. I worked hard and saw myself getting more comfortable with telling people the older I got. To this day I’ve never experienced a bad reaction from anyone. In summer 2018 I finally found the courage to tell the rest of my family. It’s truly one of my favourite memories of all time, because it was very heart-warming and I not often felt this loved as I did in those moments. A huge struggle for me was to find out as what exactly I’m identifying. I’m still not a hundred percent sure but I don’t blame myself for it anymore. Right now, I identify as pansexual, just because I think it’s the label that leaves the most doors open. Not long ago in the beginning of 2020 I had to deal with my sexuality again, since I’m studying to become a teacher in religious education (amongst other things) and church and not-heterosexuality obviously aren’t best friends. I found a way to connect my faith and my sexuality though and I want to encourage everyone to always take the chance to rethink your relationship with your sexuality. I think it’s a lifetime process and yes, it’s hard, it’s exhausting and sometimes it’s just not fair. But trust me, after every conflict, after every crisis and after every struggle, you’ll start falling in love with yourself more and more. Although there are still times where I’m insecure, I now also feel insanely PROUD to be who I am. Just imagine how boring life would be, if we weren’t part of the rainbow. Maybe we have to walk the bumpy path but at least there are thousands of bright colours around us. I’d take that over the easy but grey path every time. Be patient and be gentle. WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

Gay

I knew I was attracted to girls as soon as I knew what attraction felt like, but every time the thought presented itself I promptly decided that it was a problem for future me to deal with.
Initially this was because me as an 11 year old didn’t care too much about much to have a serious think about things, but as time progressed and I learnt words like ‘lesbian’, and ‘bisexual’ on the playground and (slowly) through media the more I realised that what I was feeling was associated with those words.
Once it had a name, it was a thing and it had to be dealt with.
However the name my feeling had was given to it by my peers, who in our first year of high school (middle school for Americans I guess) would still lace those words with mistrust and hate.
Over my dead body would I be associated with something like that when I was just leaving my 11 year old book-nerd-with-a bad-haircut-self behind. So, I shoved those feelings right down and hoped they’d go away, and honestly boys aren’t THAT bad maybe I can have a nice life with a man or maybe I’ll just get one of those jobs where you’re too busy to get married?
Like our beautiful founder I was hoping it would all go away. This remains my coping method in most things to this day.
Anyway then came the years where i talked to the boys my friends said I should on Snapchat and then avoided them at ALL COSTS in school, and I started to really admire women that I’d see on tv or even my friends…. completely obliviously.
I was on the field hockey team for Christ’s sake.
In high school I was quite popular, in that I hung out with the cool kids and people knew my name. I had friends in other high schools so I went to lots of parties and my big sister could buy me alcohol so I had street cred. The field hockey team was where all the cool girls gathered and we’d always joke about how none of us were lesbians despite the trope (lol).
This was a precarious situation. I was a people-pleaser and probably always will be. I would say anything to be liked and stay in a comfortable second row of that pyramid ( I was still living under the shadow of that haircut).
I told myself that I didn’t care anyway so it didn’t hurt to keep it secret.
I also had a best friend whom I was madly in love with. Standard.
When that friendship ended it was as a result of my feelings and my unfair expectations of her and it meant I had to confront them finally.
I was scared because the the people that I loved and counted on were casually homophobic about gay people that we knew. They would say it was their hair or humour they didn’t like but in reality it was that they were different. We were young and stupid and mean and I was terrified of being rejected by them. I was terrified of not being invited to sleepovers, or girls not changing next to me before PE.
All these years I’d been rejecting my own feeling I’d turned them into something ugly in my head. I like dressing in a typically ‘femme’ way. But like not all the time that’s so much effort??? But if I looked in the mirror and felt my hair wasn’t long enough or I didn’t have enough makeup on or felt like I’d gained weight, I thought everyone would know I was gay. As adolescents we’d moved on past ‘gay’ being an insult. Now you had to be afraid of ‘butch’ and ‘dyke’.
I decided that the only possible way to come out and not be rejected was to be as conventionally attractive as possible, died my hair blonde, wore more makeup, shorter dresses, higher heels. All of these were fun in moderation. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and not very safely.
I do whatever it took to fit in because I thought it would make people question me less if I came out. I started to drink a lot and one night in with my three closest friends, I got blackout drunk and when I woke up I’d come out to them.
One way to do it.
Anyway they were so brilliant and it turned out that I just needed to spit it out.
Not just that obviously, I needed to become comfortable with my own body, my sexuality, my emotions and bloody hell I needed some healthy coping mechanisms.
At the ripe old age of 18 I’m not as comfortable as I’d like to be but it’s a journey and I’m on my way.
I started looking for positive representation and that’s when I found Wynonna Earp and wayhaught and Dominique Provost Chalkley who is just too beautifully brave . I also found this beautiful community she created and within it I could not be prouder to be a lesbian woman who is beautiful however I dress, and who is always trying to be kinder and spread more love because of this amazing woman who was brave enough to share her story.
Tonight I’m coming out to my parents and I’m gonna tell them about this gorgeous girl I’ve been seeing, big hugs to everyone telling their stories xx

Bisexual

For me, it all started with a dream. I had a dream about my best friend when I was 15, and that was when I knew that I had deeper feelings for her. We ended up falling in love and having a relationship for almost two years. We chose to keep it a secret because we were so afraid of being judged by our family and friends. The secrecy ultimately led to our demise. In college, I started to tell people my story. Everyone struggles with their identity, but it’s even harder when you grew up in a community that has a negative view of who you truly are. When I stopped repressed who I was, I started living as my true self. Honestly, I was so surprised by the love and support I received from everyone. I told my family and have their full support. For me, I needed the love and acceptance of others to ultimately love myself. I am proudly bisexual! Being apart of the LGBTQ+ community is my superpower and has given me the ability to feel deep empathy towards others. I have learned to stop judging myself, which in turn made me stop judging others. Love always win.

Cat

I can’t wait until we’re living in a world where it is safe for everyone to be who they truly are without fear of judgment or persecution. I was raised by two loving but homophobic parents; so while they’ve made me feel like I could be myself in most regards, there’s one place they’ve made me feel like I have to continue living a lie. But even if I have to stay closeted in my everyday life for the time being, I don’t wish to stay fully closeted anymore.

I am a bisexual woman; and honestly, I’m proud of that.

When I was in high school, I started questioning my sexuality. I found myself starting to feel attracted to girls at my school and not just guys. But because of the home I was raised in, I did everything in my power to push such feelings aside, telling myself they didn’t mean anything. I refused to acknowledge them. And eventually, I was able to convince myself they never existed in the first place… Fastforward to college; and the feelings came back again, this time stronger. I found myself attracted to other women; and I knew it was something I couldn’t fully deny. I think deep down I admitted to myself that I wasn’t entirely straight; but I wasn’t ready to admit what that meant.

Over the past year or so, I started discovering myself more and more. It actually started when a friend suggested I check out this show called Wynonna Earp. This friend knew I preferred supernatural sorts of shows with powerful female leads (like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Lost Girl, etc.); so of course I was fully on board with checking out this show. Little did I know, it would change my life for the better. Becoming an Earper, I now found myself part of one of the most accepting and supportive fandoms I’ve ever been a part of. Between that and being introduced to one of the most kickass casts ever, I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin with everything from my anxiety to my sexuality. Even though I still never admitted anything aloud, I started to feel more and more comfortable admitting to myself that I was, in fact, bisexual.

I hope to one day be able to share this fact with those closest to me, to one day feel as if I am safe enough and truly ready to do so. But for now, having a platform like this to announce who I truly am, it’s a blessing. Thank you to Dominique and everyone at Start the Wave for all the constant love and positivity. It means so much; and I am proud to be part of this community.

And one day, I will be proud to come back on here to say I am 100% out…

Bisexual

I always knew early on that I was different. I knew that I liked people and not gender. And that I Katie McGrath for more than her acting. But growing up I couldn’t always accept that, I grew up in a Christian society and though they weren’t anti-gay it still seemed scary. Then my brother came out as gay and I watched my mother struggle for years with her faith and love for him. And I didn’t want to be a burden, I was already extremely bullied for a lot of things and didn’t want to add one more to the list. It wasn’t until freshman year that I openly said the words “I’m bi” and that was only to my friends. It was nice to have a place where I could be me and open and happy, but then I would go home and where the “straight mask” again and that grew so tiresome. Then I moved away from that school to go live in the south which terrified me because of the rumors. My brother new that I was Bi and helped me be not so scared. But my next school wasn’t so bad. I found people like me who were out and pround and I even came out to a couple family members. I just became a senior in higb school and I haven’t told my mother yet, but I’m not scared to do it anymore. I just want my moment to be mind. And when it is I will be fearless!