Community Rainbow Waves

A badass graysexual lesbian

When I was younger, all my attempts at imagining myself marrying a man felt… off. So naturally I assumed that I just wasn’t someone who wanted to get married.
On my facebook account that I started at the age of 9 (dont arrest me) I had mistaken the sexuality question on the profile description as a question about what friends I would like to make. My facebook profile read “I am interested in girls” for everyone I know to see. I was 9 and had no clue what a lesbian was, but I certainly pretended to know when everyone at school started calling me that.

There were countless times where I would think to myself “the next boy who walks through the door will be my crush” just because I was so tired of my sister asking me if I had any crushes on the boys at school. In reality, I had no interest in them at all. In fact, I didn’t have any crushes on anyone and didn’t even feel attracted to people, which was very confusing and made me feel somehow defective.
Both of my sisters had relationships and crushes on guys and talked about how people were attractive but I just didn’t get it.

The first crush I had was in middle school, and it was my best friend. I still had no idea what was going on at that point, and only realized until it was too late and she had moved away. I put a lot of effort into research after that. By high school, I knew for sure that I was gay. Luckily at the school I attended, almost everyone in my friend group was part of the LGBTQ+ community and I even had the opportunity to join the LGBT club there! For the first time I felt seen by the people around me. There was no stress on coming out because we were all growing up with the same pressures and expectations that we hated. ‘Be normal’ ‘Be straight’ ‘Do what you’re told.’

My research also lead me to the asexuality spectrum. An infinite spectrum of the gray area of sexual libido on which I have come to fully recognize I will never find my exact place. However, knowing that my lack of sexual attraction was not some kind if mutation but instead just the way my brain worked was more than I could have ever asked for.
I felt safe to be who I was at school without the fear of being called names or being bullied for it (not to say I wasn’t bullied for other things, of course).

Coming out to my parents was not hard. For a while I felt bad or somehow inadequate because I didn’t have some tragic story, but then I realized that it was a fact that I should be greatful for.
My parents aren’t the only republicans in the world who are accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, but it is not common to positively associate those two things together.

I came out to my parents as graysexual the week after I did extensive research on it. It was a non-issue. My gayness, however, I kept hidden for four years.

Not because I purposefully hid it, though. Not once did I ever tell my parents “I like boys.” I never in my life wanted to ever have to LIE about who I was to anyone. They simply did not ask about my sexuality.
Except one day when I was 18, while I was sitting outside with my mom, she finally had the thought to ask if I liked boys at all.

I was nervous; caught completely off guard with the question I had never expected her to actually ask (despite the fact that she has previously asked about my gender identity and pronouns). Shakily, but nevertheless determined, I told her the truth.

“No, I’m gay.”

She seemed shocked at first, and asked me if I was serious (because sarcasm is a true commodity in my family). After I told her I was serious, she smiled, shook my hand, and said, “Alexa, play ‘I am Woman’.”
I distinctly remember the corner of my lips trembling anxiously as I tried to fight the smile that wanted to break out across my face. I had never been so open with my mother before about anything, and it was an odd feeling to feel accepted by her.
The rest of my family soon followed. My older sister thought I was joking and wasn’t paying attention the first five times I said it, so I had to grab her by the shoulders and say it directly in her face. She quickly hugged me and congratulated me then.
I told my dad, eldest sister, and her boyfriend all at the same time after hearing my sister’s boyfriend sing “I’m coming out”. I thought, why not? So I told them right then, and my sister said she already knew because she had seen all the gay shit I watch on my netflix account, haha.

I got hugs from all of them, and felt proud to be part of such an accepting family.

I did not know then that coming out was not an isolated experience. It is a constant task. A box that needs to be checked every time you make a friend. By the time I got to my third semester of college, I found I was tired. I wanted to see what it was like to not come out to friends for once.

Really long story short, I didn’t come out to a group of friends that I had incorporated myself into and I ended up accidentally going on a date with one of the guys who probably didn’t believe me when I told him that I’m gay. He then outted me to the entire group, and they proceeded to question if I really was a lesbian or if I just didnt want to date that guy.

It made me feel so inadequate. As if being a lesbian is some kind of last resort to get out of a bad date.

I started to feel very insecure about myself and after that incident I stopped hanging around those people, bought a ton of rainbow-themed clothes, and wore my rainbow bracelet obsessively for nearly a year. After that I never purposefully hid my sexuality again. I had seen the other side and the grass was putrid and yellow.

Due to some amazing friends and supportive family, I have become proud of who I am. I don’t hide anymore. I advocate for who I am and who I want to be. I get angry when things are unfair. I get sad when people are being hurt. I feel happy when I see part of who I am on TV more and more often as the years pass.

Other people have it a lot worse than me. Many of those people are my close friends, and it breaks my heart.

What my experiences have shown me is that I am lucky. Every day, I have people who support me and love me for who I am, and I am so damn grateful. I hope more than anything in the world that I am that person for someone else.

Tinne

I am a cisgendered Lesbian who uses she/her, and who identifies by simply my name.

I knew I was a Lesbian when I was 10 years old. I had a friend who was an actor and singer and I would often help her with work. One day we decided to do some improvisation, which she loved but did not get to do often. She set the scene and we both get into character and then she leads the scene to where I would kiss her. I stopped myself unsure of what to do. I really wanted to kiss her, but as far as I knew she was straight so we did not kiss. It was a little awkward after that but we made it through and remained friends until college. That is a whole different story.

College at 19 I finally accepted who I am now to come out. I struggled for a year alone with it going back in forth about if my family will accept me. Despite my parents having Lesbian friends and going to gay bars with them. Well during the year I was struggling my older sister and mom were talking about my sexuality. Finally mom told me my sister was worried I didn’t know who I was because I had never dated anyone. I was so mad that I said I know exactly who I am. I am a Lesbian mom. Her reaction was I know. I was waiting for you to tell me. That went not at all as I had planned! So now the next step my dad. Mom wants to wait so I do. My mom, dad and I go on vacation together when I am 21. While I am visiting friends my parents along with an ex minister and his wife go to gay pride where my proceeds to out me to everyone. Yeah I was livid. So I come back and my dad is acting awkward. He put his arm around me and said oh sorry you don’t like that. I am like dad just because I do not like that from other men does not mean I do not like it from you. You are my dad and that will never change. We were good from that time on and remained close to each other as we always had been. Then the Minister asks me what advice I had for people coming out after I tell them the whole story of my first girlfriend, which my mom knew nothing about. I said expect the worst and hope for the best. That is what I did, which floored everyone there. I said you can be open minded about other people being queer but it is different when it is your own child. Then it was time to come out to my siblings. I had asked my wife to marry me so I decided to come out and tell them I was engaged at the same time and they were like yeah we know and congratulations and moved on with the conversation.

I am extremely lucky in my journey to have had so much positivity and acceptance and because of that I try to pass it on as much as I can to others. I still give the advice I did then but I will add. If you are not lucky enough to have an accepting family then find one that will accept you. You are beautiful the way you are. You have the right to love whoever you want. You have the right to be whoever you are, because you are a beautiful human being just they way you are. Find a family who will celebrate and support you in being you. Own your individuality and pride. Own who you are.

Luisa- CONTENT WARNING: THIS COMING OUT STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTION AND/OR DISCUSSION ABOUT DEPRESSION

I had felt “different” from others since I was very very young, I didn’t necessarily understand that I liked girls but I knew I didn’t feel for boys the same way my friends felt for them.
Growing up, being gay didn’t even cross my mind until I was maybe in high school and all my friends had crushes and boyfriends and I felt pressured to have a crush. It never occurred to me that I had crushes because they were not boys. I felt like I needed to like boys so I “tricked” myself into thinking I did.
The fact that I had never seen or known any gay people or specifically any lesbians and the fact that I started listening to some homophobic things from my friends and family made it difficult for me to get in touch with this part of my identity. Deep down I always felt I wasn’t allowed to be myself and I didn’t want to tolerate that.
So fast forward, I graduated high school I moved from my home country of Colombia to Argentina, went to university there and started meeting so many different people from all walks of life, straight, gay, bi. People who accepted and loved me and made me feel safe and seen. The 4 years I lived in Argentina where some of the hardest years I’ve had yet. I was diagnosed with depression and was really struggling to find my voice. After many years of therapy and working on understanding myself I finally realized and accepted that the reason why I hadn’t had any romantic relationships with men wasn’t that I was unlovable or ugly or not girlfriend material but because I wasn’t attracted to men. I was 22.
I felt like the weight of the world had lifted off of my shoulders and I wanted everyone to know that I thought girls were beautiful. I came out right away, I felt like 22 years was enough time to hide this and feel ashamed, and I didn’t wanna do it anymore. I was lucky enough to have friends and family who opened their arms to this part of me and still loved me for all that I am.

My name is Luisa and I am a Lesbian. 🙂

Hoping to help others 1 tweet at a time LGBTQ or str8lzzzz?

I knew I was gay in 5th grade. Now my story is twisted with antiquated thinking by others and trying to be myself. The town I grew up in has a total of 368 ppl today..so very small not even a stop light. There was 0 representation back in 1990 when I graduated so I am old l had no clue where to find another lesbian. No clue there were bars for my own kind. It did feel lonely. Hard to believe I found an ad in the back of a Rolling Stone magazine and that is how I met my first gf. We lived 4.5 hrs apart and lots of road trips. Back then we had to write real letters and put them thru the mail lol. Well one weekend we were out on a date and when I got home I got stormed by my mother. She said “how long has this affair been going on?” Now me and I will say I am a complete a$$hat I turn to her and said “she’s not married so its not an affair” She didn’t think it was funny. My mother went into my room, dug through my dresser drawers found all my letters, plus told my whole family I was gay before I could come out. I was kicked out of the house with nowhere to go luckily my sister let me stay with her but I had to deal with my parents being ashamed of me and my sister being paranoid of my gf. My mother still reminds me I am going to hell and it makes me mad to no end. I thought I had real love gonna settle down marry when it was legal kinda thing but after 11 yrs she said she didn’t love me. I came out to a few ppl after my mother outed me and it was exhilarating. A weight off my shoulders. I felt free. Thru the years I’ve had to push my way thru head high never back down made fun of by family but I keep going never apologizing for who I am. After gf number 3 and my being with a str8 girl, I am alone. At my age sometimes its good to just be nothing. I don’t feel like a girl I don’t feel like a guy. My self esteem gets in my way of looking for another woman. I spare you a lot of details that were unpleasant plus I feel I’ve taken up too much room. My Twitter is WickedEyes22 to check out some if my earlier content but its full of plus that. It has gotten better for the younger generation now but ppl like me have been pushing against the world for quite awhile. The fight for equality is constantly changing. Someday it wont matter who you bring home for the holidays..

I identify myself as a Lesbian Teenage girl.

I’m 15 years old, and i always knew, since i was like 8 years old, that i like girls. I never really knew, that it’s not “that” normal in the society, since i had sex education in school. My best friend back then, knew it first, because i always told her about my Tv crushes who were always girls, and she didn’t even questioned it. why would she? We were kids, that thought, that everybody thinks, that it’s normal(what it should be). After in the 5th grade, i pretended to have a crush on a boy in my class, because i thought, that sow people would find it weird, that i had a celebrity crush on Lauren Jauregui. After a while i told everything a really good friend that was also in my class. I remembered, when she asked me, id i only like girls and i answered with a “yeees…..?” That was the moment, when i really realized it like “Dang i’m lesbian”. After a while, i fell in love with a girl, that was 2 years older than me and the daughter of a family friend. I told my friends, and they supported me and didn’t have any problems with me liking a girl. A year after that, i came out to my parents, and they said, that they’re proud of me, and they fully support it. They even bought me a pride flag. Then i fell in love with my friend(that also came out as bi). We’re still friends, and she told me a few weeks ago, that she had a crush on me back then. And that was my story

Power in knowledge

I’m 17, and I don’t know myself. Or at least I don’t think I want to know myself. As a child, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to because I didn’t have any siblings (other than a dog). I turned to the media, video games, and fictional characters from TV shows and movies to feel a connection to someone or something. Man, I would sit in front of the TV as a kid and watch these shows where I saw these beautiful people and I would always imagine myself pretending that I was their friend. And as I got older, the same thing happened where I continued enjoying characters. But then around my older teenage years, I realized that maybe it wasn’t an “obsession” with the characters, it was that I really liked them. And I was confused because no one had ever really mentioned this feeling to me, but in my mind, it just made sense. And I’m a relatively athletic person, so I got the whole “tomboy” thing as a kid, so people probably chalked it up to that. But I didn’t. Because, as of recently, I figured out who I was. And while only select people know, it’s cool to like the best of both worlds. Like God must have invented males and females for everyone’s enjoyment, so why not enjoy them both? And I’m lucky to be able to say my parents would be accepting of me, but in a way, I feel like they know, so I have avoided making it a “thing,” because why should they focus on a part of me that’s just who I am? There is no reason. And thanks to many TV shows, like Wynonna Earp and their amazing characters and cast, and movies, and just people in general, they have helped me with who I am.

A girl named Emily

I’ll call myself Emily. That’s not my real name, but that’s what my high school English teacher called me. By hiding my name I do not intend to hide myself. This is my story..

High school seems to be a good place to start. I was always the sporty girl who got along with everyone and who actually liked school. I had a lot of friends and my home life was good. I was always boy crazy, but sports came first. My sophomore year is when it happened first. No not the first lesbian experience, you’ll have to keep reading for that one! The first time I fell in love. He was a skater boy, and he had me. It was a typical first love— wild, free, electrifying. The first time I felt life was bigger than big. We of course had our ups and downs. But man did we love each other. That’s the first time I learned I could care so much for another person. We dated for four years. Which takes us to my sophomore year in college. I was in a sorority, played soccer and still was obsessed with school. I loved everything about being free and learning. Putting myself in uncharted waters gave me self growth. So naturally I traveled a lot. Little did I know I knew NOTHING about self growth. That would come in a few years. I dated around my sophomore and junior year. Nothing too serious. I had just spent four years with some so I wanted to live a little. The guys at my college were so damn handsome and cool. Getting invited to date parties or a long weekend at the lake was great. College did not disappoint. By my senior year I decided to study abroad, because why not? I went to Ireland and had a blast. So much of a blast that it happened again. Love. This one hit me hard too. Irishmen certainly have a way with words. This love was different though. It was mature. I felt safe with him in every way a woman could feel safe: emotionally, financially, physically. He was it. So like any responsible college graduate would do, I bought a one way ticket to Ireland two weeks after graduation. Over the next three years I would continue to fall in love with this man. We’d spend a few weeks every year in America and he fit right in. He bought a ring and asked permission from my parents. I was certain this was it for me. But something happened. He and I grew apart and I was unhappy. I ended up breaking things off and it hurt. Like, really hurt. This man loved me to my bones! And he was a good person. His family became my family. His sisters were mine. I actually spend a week or two with his family every year. He made a joke once to me, “You better not leave me for a girl. That’s what my ex did.” Whoops.

I packed up and moved back to America. Landed an awesome job in a city I had never visited. I thought, hey I can do this. People like me and I’m outgoing. I’ll make friends in no time. Luckily, I did make friends fast. Little did I know these strangers I’d only known for a few months would become my back bone. My pack. They’d celebrate with me, tell me to suck it the fuck up when I was down, and cry with me in the pouring rain behind a dumpster. Anyways, back to the real story. Up to this point, I’d only ever had an eye for guys. I longed for a husband and children. Part of me still does. This is where things get real.

Most of my friends in this new city were gay. I had okayed sports my whole life so it was nothing new to me. At my first pride I met someone. I had actually met her a few weeks ago at a bar but she was too drunk to remember. She walked right up me, wallaby legs and beer in hand and asked if I was married. I told her no, and she just smiled and walked away. The same girl stood before me at pride introducing herself for the first time, again. We were inseparable. At this point I was still denying to anyone that her and I were more than friends, but they didn’t buy it. Within two shorts months it happened again. Love. Remember when I said I thought traveling helped me in self growth? Okay falling in love for the first time with a women is SELF GROWTH. Holy shit. Knocked me sideways. I couldn’t think straight (ha, pun). Her and I were in an off for 3-4 years. I learned a lot about myself and how I was to live my life. Like most of us, ‘coming out’ was unthinkable at first. And I’m not sure I’m fully ‘out’ but this story is still being written. I learned accepting yourself isn’t about fitting it; it’s not becoming what you thought you would be; and it’s certainly not about making anyone proud other than yourself. When you can look in the mirror every morning and say “Life is good. I am good. Let’s make it better today”. That’s self growth for me.
Without my friends here who take me for who I am, I’d probably be in a relationship with a guy having ridiculously lousy sex. And les-be-honest, life is too short to have bad sex. So this is my story, for now. I seek love in all relationships: Love in friendships and love in romantic-ships. I made up that word but I think it should become a thing. I am accepting that I can love and be loved by women and it’s pretty sweet. Maybe I’ll date guys again, maybe I won’t. Love has no gender and certainly isn’t on a set schedule. I am open to myself and am optimistic about the best time IT happens.

Keep shining and know that you are beautiful xx

Better late than never!

I always felt like I didn’t fit in with the girls I went to school with. I grew up in a hard-believing traditional Christian household, and one didn’t talk about things of sexuality that didn’t fit in that vein. So purity culture was huge, and total abstinence was expected no matter who you loved outside marriage. So I pushed it down and tried to ignore it. I was attracted to different genders and I felt wrong trying to be with people I was attracted to and had to deal with the guilt of that attraction as well as the worry of violating purity culture in general. I guess subconsciously I decided that since I could be with who I wanted, I would not be with anyone.(I know- it sounds wrong to me now too!)
Fast forward literally decades to 2020- I was terrified of coming out to my family, in particular to my Mom, who was the strongest Christian influence in the family. She passed unexpectedly in 2020, and in my processing grief, I decided it was way past time for me to live my truth. I had denied myself my true being too long. I decided that I was tired of living a lie and had moved away from the many of the strict “traditional” Christian beliefs of my childhood and started looking for myself. It was time to come out. I spent weeks thinking & worrying about it, and one day, the timing made itself right- I came out as queer.
My Family’s response: “We just assumed you were.”

I couldn’t believe that I spent so many, many years living outside my genuine self and my family wasn’t really an obstacle (some other, distant relatives are not on board, but I’ve never interacted much with them) as much as I had made them to be in my head. I know this isn’t likely a common experience and I am so proud of my family and the support they’ve given since, and the work we have put in to build communication on a new domain.

I am learning and growing, since I feel like a sort of oddity being a middle-aged “baby gay”, but I’m wading into a life that I have long denied myself. I’m thrilled, I’m scared, I happy, I’m nervous, I’m certain, but mostly, I’m free and I’m out!

Pat F. (she/her)

Little Pat already knew that she liked boys and girls. Surrounded by friends and always dreaming of colorful friendships. But only the boys had the courage. The girls only saw their friend. I kissed many boys, but I knew that one day I would kiss girls.

I let time take care of that part. And when a girl finally wanted to kiss me I just closed my eyes and let it happen. It was wonderful.

The time passed and the falmiliar meetings speculating the life of others about boyfriends, children, marriage … And I let them talk about how many boyfriends I had. I have never spoken openly to the “family” that I am queer (I like different types of people). My 2 sisters, 1 niece and my closest friends know that I am queer because I don’t hide.

But this year I decided to put the rainbow flag in the description on the social networks that I am on. Family members and acquaintances will see what they never really wanted to know.

And Dominique Provost-Chalkley, you are a beautiful person!
I was unable to read your statement and remain silent.
Thanks to your delicacy I wanted to write …

I am OUT. (and also a ACE “demisexual” brazilian person)

#OutIsTheNewIn

Labels suck

I knew it since I was born. That I was different. But I didn´t expected I could be different in this way. I hated dresses and skirts when I was a kid. I hated when my hair were loose. I said to my parents I won´t get married because I hate dancing in pair( I was in kindergarden). When I played with my friends I always wanted to be a boy. In one game I even married my best friend. I had never any romantic feelings for her, it was just a game. I probably wanted to play boy characters because in a game everything was possible. And I wanted to be a completely different person. I wanted to escape from reality, that was the reason.

When I was eleven years old I wrote in my diary that I felt like a boy. I had no idea that something like “transgender” even exists and that was good because if I knew it I would definitely label myself as trans. And it would make me really confused. Because I´m not a boy.

When I was twelve I started choosing more girl characters in our games. Maybe it was because I was ashamed of running through our garden with my friends, using male pronouns. That was the time when I started thinking romantically about every boy who was nice to me and I was ridiculous, honestly. I had no idea what love is, I was too young. In those times I didn´t know anything about LGBT. I thought the term gay and queer were just rude words for boys. I knew homosexuality exists and I didn´t pay attention to it. I thought it´s weird. Sooner I was called a lesbian at my classmate´s birthday party. I said a name of a girl who was my friend when the other girls were talking about ,,Who do you think is best in our class?” They were talking about boys they liked. And I didn´t like any of them so I just said the name of my friend because in the question were not exactly mentioned boys. Those girls laughed at me and I was embarressed.

I was thirteen when I wrote on a small paper that I think one girl is the most beautiful in our class, boys included. It was some kind of game where we wrote who do we think is the most intelligent or the most annoying of our class, etc. And I thought… Why should I write there a boy´s name? I can think a girl is more pretty, right? So I wrote it. Not a big deal.

I turned fourteen and I started surfing the net. I watched one girl youtuber who was bisexual. I was amazed because I had no idea such a thing has existed. I searched for more information about LGBT. I started following a lesbian youtuber. I thought her videos are really funny. I like your videos, I wrote her to a comment section, though I don´t think I´m a lesbian. And then… I fell in love for the first time. I noticed I´m paying pretty much attention to one of my classmates. And then I realized I like her. I was terrified. What should I do now? It´s disgusting. I´m disgusting. I don´t want to like her. She doesn´t like me back. Why do I have to feel like this? I really didn´t want to be a lesbian. I hated that word. I was thinking that I could be maybe bisexual. I hoped I was just confused. But it really didn´t feel like some confuison. First, I didn´t want to tell anybody. Never. No. Absolutely not. But after few months it was unbearable. I felt the need of telling one of my friends. I started to making small hints before my friends and brother. I thought they will be prepared for the truth when I´ll tell them.

I naively believed the feeling about the firl will just desapear with time. But it didn´t. I finally took courage and told my best friend. I thought she knew it already because of those many hints I was making long months ago. But she was surprised. She had no idea. And then she ignored the fact I told her my big secret because she thought I don´t want to talk about it. I was angry at her but didn´t said anything.
I didn´t want to be in love with that girl anymore but I still was and I felt desparate about it. I noticed I´m starting to thinking about other girls, too. I thought some boys were kind of good looking but it was nothing to compare with the way I was feeling about some girls. I watched some series and read wattpad books just because couples of two girls in it.
The biggest twist was when my brother came out to me as gay. I cried and felt even more desparate than before. Before his coming out, I wanted to tell him- someday. But when he came out also to mum, I lost every piece of courage I´ve ever had. Mum was kind of supportive but she was expecting me to be straight, obviously. I didn´t know if I even can have feelings for boys but I knew I have feelings for girls. I started thinking, what if I was just confused because I watched so much youtube LGBT content?
When I thought I´m after two years finally over that girl, I texted her that I liked her before. I just wanted her to know. I knew she hasn´t ever liked me and I was okay with it. She was probably straight or ace. Her reaction was great but it was always little bit awkward between the two of us since that moment. Anyways, I don´t regret it.
I still didn´t identify as anything, I was too scared of the lesbian label.

I was sixteen years old when I fell for another straight girl. But this time it wasn´t so clear she was straight. It was like she was giving me some hints, she danced with me the whole evening, she convinced me to go for a competition with her, to dress up with her in one toilet cabin, she slept on me in a car. I was so confused and then it turned out she is just that kind of “ally” who likes gays but doesn´t care about other members of the community. I cried and felt desparate again. I told few more friends that I´m maybe into girls. The situation between me and my best friend became clear and we talked about it openly for the first time.
I was really thinking about the labels(What if I´m just confused straight girl? No, I don´t think so. What if I´m a lesbian? Oh, geez how I hate that word. I won´t say this about myself EVER. Am I a bisexual or a pansexual? Do I really like boys at all? I haven´t fell for any boys yet but does that mean that I don´t like boys? What if I´ll start liking them when I´ll grow up? How do I know now? What about transgender people? I know just one trans boy and he´s just my friend. Could I be ace? Well, I´m kind of scared of sex. But I haven´t ever been in a relationship before. How can I know?) and I stayed with my own: I like this girl and that girl and I don´t know who else, yet, whatever.

Then boys started liking me. That was the moment I was hoping for when I was thirteen and fourteen. But now I was seventeen and I felt bad for them. I wanted them to just find another object of interest so it would be easier for both of us. One boy was really unrelenting. He really fell in love with me. I felt horrible because I knew that feeling when you like someone who doesn´t like you back. But I was never so obtrusive to those girls as he was now to me. Yeah, he was funny, trustworthy, responsible, loyal, honest but I couldn´t imagine kissing him. So I said that I´m sorry but I´m not interested. Now he was the one who was desparate.
,,There´s someone else,” I explained. ,,Someone who I like.”
,,What did he do so you like him and not me?” he asked. I didn´t know what to say.
,,Well… he was nice and good looking – and then he asked me to dance and-”
,,Oh, I get it,” he said bitterly. ,,He was handsome. I´m just not attractive enough.”
,,No, that´s not it,” I groaned. ,,That´s not something I could change.” He didn´t seem like he understands. So I decided to tell him the truth.
,,Look. The person that I like… it´s not a boy. Alright? I don´t like you because… maybe I just can´t. That´s it.” And I thought he understands now. Well, he didn´t.
,,But… no. There must be a way to change this,” he said. I couldn´t believe my own ears. That was absurd! He continued. ,,Everything is possible if you want to. It´s all in your head. How could you know if you haven´t even kiss anyone yet? Maybe you didn´t like the girl, you just wanted look like her!” It was like he has read some psychological book about sexuality.
,,Anyways,” I sighed finally. ,,Even if I liked boys, I would stay just friends with you.” He wished me good luck in life then. We´re not really friends or whatever but sometimes we just send to each other memes.

Now I´m almost eighteen. I see a change between present me and the past me. I don´t mind dresses, skirts or dancing in pairs. And I like having hair loose. When I was eleven years old I thought for a while I´m feeling like a boy. But now I don´t. I´m a girl and it is one of few things in my life I am sure about.
I didn´t came out to my parents or to my brother and I don´t plan it. What should I say? Hey, family! You thought I´m straight, right? Well guess what, I´m not! No idea what my sexuality is but I fell in love with two girls so far and that´s it. SURPRISE! Haha, no. Never. I told it to nine people in real life (not counting the internet), the obtrusive boy included. I´m still not sure about the labels. Having to choose one of them is making me feel uncomfortable. I just kind of like fluid labels like gay or queer. I will come out only if there is a reason for it. For example when I´ll start to date and it will be serious. I will come out if it is a boy or a girl. I have to tell my family anyways. Even if I dated a boy, it wouldn´t be easy for me to tell them because I´m a very shy person. Coming out in every case, haha.
So that was my story. My main point is – labels sucks. I don´t want to put myself to any concrete label because I don´t want to be judged. If you don´t know what label suits you, you don´t have to use any of them. If you need to label yourself, feel free to do it. Life is too short to trying beeing someone else. Just be yourself. Good luck!