Community Rainbow Waves

I am a lesbian

i have always known i was different but could never understand why, untill i watched pretty little liars. it was not a really gay show, but watching a gay character come out on tv made me really question myself. do i like this? yes i did, but i shoved it down. growing up in a conservative home and being gay is not easy. so, i was straight, i totally like boys. in fact, i loved them. i forced crushes on a lot of them and was always into some boy. when i started having feelings for my best friend (a…girl), it got worse. i was so depressed, and to make thinks harder, i was getting bullied. i just couldn’t like girls. so, i have a crush on ‘random boys name’. it was a cycle. it wasn’t untill i switched schools that i started accepting myself. (it’s harder to come out to you childhood friends). anyways, at this new school, i met this girl. she was so pretty and we liked the same things. i really had a crush this time. it wasn’t just someone i decided to crush on, i really liked her. it was an intense feeling, admiting it to myself. so, i started coming out. i told my new friends i liked her. and they didn’t care. it was normal and it felt SO GOOD. i was still figuring myself out, so i kissed A LOT of men, but it never felt right. at this point, i haven’t kissed a girl yet.and when i did, i felt those butterflies in my stomach. my first thought was “wow THIS is what it feels like” and it just hit me like a bus. yes, i am a lesbian. so i started owning it. i like girls and that’s okay. and i started just telling people, mostly when i was drunk. and nobody cared. it was okay. i’m still not really out to my family, but i did told my mom and she supported me. she still says some stupid stuff or makes some hurtful comments but she is learning and that’s all she can do. and i am grateful for that it’s okay to be yourself. it’s okay.

Labels suck

I knew it since I was born. That I was different. But I didn´t expected I could be different in this way. I hated dresses and skirts when I was a kid. I hated when my hair were loose. I said to my parents I won´t get married because I hate dancing in pair( I was in kindergarden). When I played with my friends I always wanted to be a boy. In one game I even married my best friend. I had never any romantic feelings for her, it was just a game. I probably wanted to play boy characters because in a game everything was possible. And I wanted to be a completely different person. I wanted to escape from reality, that was the reason.

When I was eleven years old I wrote in my diary that I felt like a boy. I had no idea that something like “transgender” even exists and that was good because if I knew it I would definitely label myself as trans. And it would make me really confused. Because I´m not a boy.

When I was twelve I started choosing more girl characters in our games. Maybe it was because I was ashamed of running through our garden with my friends, using male pronouns. That was the time when I started thinking romantically about every boy who was nice to me and I was ridiculous, honestly. I had no idea what love is, I was too young. In those times I didn´t know anything about LGBT. I thought the term gay and queer were just rude words for boys. I knew homosexuality exists and I didn´t pay attention to it. I thought it´s weird. Sooner I was called a lesbian at my classmate´s birthday party. I said a name of a girl who was my friend when the other girls were talking about ,,Who do you think is best in our class?” They were talking about boys they liked. And I didn´t like any of them so I just said the name of my friend because in the question were not exactly mentioned boys. Those girls laughed at me and I was embarressed.

I was thirteen when I wrote on a small paper that I think one girl is the most beautiful in our class, boys included. It was some kind of game where we wrote who do we think is the most intelligent or the most annoying of our class, etc. And I thought… Why should I write there a boy´s name? I can think a girl is more pretty, right? So I wrote it. Not a big deal.

I turned fourteen and I started surfing the net. I watched one girl youtuber who was bisexual. I was amazed because I had no idea such a thing has existed. I searched for more information about LGBT. I started following a lesbian youtuber. I thought her videos are really funny. I like your videos, I wrote her to a comment section, though I don´t think I´m a lesbian. And then… I fell in love for the first time. I noticed I´m paying pretty much attention to one of my classmates. And then I realized I like her. I was terrified. What should I do now? It´s disgusting. I´m disgusting. I don´t want to like her. She doesn´t like me back. Why do I have to feel like this? I really didn´t want to be a lesbian. I hated that word. I was thinking that I could be maybe bisexual. I hoped I was just confused. But it really didn´t feel like some confuison. First, I didn´t want to tell anybody. Never. No. Absolutely not. But after few months it was unbearable. I felt the need of telling one of my friends. I started to making small hints before my friends and brother. I thought they will be prepared for the truth when I´ll tell them.

I naively believed the feeling about the firl will just desapear with time. But it didn´t. I finally took courage and told my best friend. I thought she knew it already because of those many hints I was making long months ago. But she was surprised. She had no idea. And then she ignored the fact I told her my big secret because she thought I don´t want to talk about it. I was angry at her but didn´t said anything.
I didn´t want to be in love with that girl anymore but I still was and I felt desparate about it. I noticed I´m starting to thinking about other girls, too. I thought some boys were kind of good looking but it was nothing to compare with the way I was feeling about some girls. I watched some series and read wattpad books just because couples of two girls in it.
The biggest twist was when my brother came out to me as gay. I cried and felt even more desparate than before. Before his coming out, I wanted to tell him- someday. But when he came out also to mum, I lost every piece of courage I´ve ever had. Mum was kind of supportive but she was expecting me to be straight, obviously. I didn´t know if I even can have feelings for boys but I knew I have feelings for girls. I started thinking, what if I was just confused because I watched so much youtube LGBT content?
When I thought I´m after two years finally over that girl, I texted her that I liked her before. I just wanted her to know. I knew she hasn´t ever liked me and I was okay with it. She was probably straight or ace. Her reaction was great but it was always little bit awkward between the two of us since that moment. Anyways, I don´t regret it.
I still didn´t identify as anything, I was too scared of the lesbian label.

I was sixteen years old when I fell for another straight girl. But this time it wasn´t so clear she was straight. It was like she was giving me some hints, she danced with me the whole evening, she convinced me to go for a competition with her, to dress up with her in one toilet cabin, she slept on me in a car. I was so confused and then it turned out she is just that kind of “ally” who likes gays but doesn´t care about other members of the community. I cried and felt desparate again. I told few more friends that I´m maybe into girls. The situation between me and my best friend became clear and we talked about it openly for the first time.
I was really thinking about the labels(What if I´m just confused straight girl? No, I don´t think so. What if I´m a lesbian? Oh, geez how I hate that word. I won´t say this about myself EVER. Am I a bisexual or a pansexual? Do I really like boys at all? I haven´t fell for any boys yet but does that mean that I don´t like boys? What if I´ll start liking them when I´ll grow up? How do I know now? What about transgender people? I know just one trans boy and he´s just my friend. Could I be ace? Well, I´m kind of scared of sex. But I haven´t ever been in a relationship before. How can I know?) and I stayed with my own: I like this girl and that girl and I don´t know who else, yet, whatever.

Then boys started liking me. That was the moment I was hoping for when I was thirteen and fourteen. But now I was seventeen and I felt bad for them. I wanted them to just find another object of interest so it would be easier for both of us. One boy was really unrelenting. He really fell in love with me. I felt horrible because I knew that feeling when you like someone who doesn´t like you back. But I was never so obtrusive to those girls as he was now to me. Yeah, he was funny, trustworthy, responsible, loyal, honest but I couldn´t imagine kissing him. So I said that I´m sorry but I´m not interested. Now he was the one who was desparate.
,,There´s someone else,” I explained. ,,Someone who I like.”
,,What did he do so you like him and not me?” he asked. I didn´t know what to say.
,,Well… he was nice and good looking – and then he asked me to dance and-”
,,Oh, I get it,” he said bitterly. ,,He was handsome. I´m just not attractive enough.”
,,No, that´s not it,” I groaned. ,,That´s not something I could change.” He didn´t seem like he understands. So I decided to tell him the truth.
,,Look. The person that I like… it´s not a boy. Alright? I don´t like you because… maybe I just can´t. That´s it.” And I thought he understands now. Well, he didn´t.
,,But… no. There must be a way to change this,” he said. I couldn´t believe my own ears. That was absurd! He continued. ,,Everything is possible if you want to. It´s all in your head. How could you know if you haven´t even kiss anyone yet? Maybe you didn´t like the girl, you just wanted look like her!” It was like he has read some psychological book about sexuality.
,,Anyways,” I sighed finally. ,,Even if I liked boys, I would stay just friends with you.” He wished me good luck in life then. We´re not really friends or whatever but sometimes we just send to each other memes.

Now I´m almost eighteen. I see a change between present me and the past me. I don´t mind dresses, skirts or dancing in pairs. And I like having hair loose. When I was eleven years old I thought for a while I´m feeling like a boy. But now I don´t. I´m a girl and it is one of few things in my life I am sure about.
I didn´t came out to my parents or to my brother and I don´t plan it. What should I say? Hey, family! You thought I´m straight, right? Well guess what, I´m not! No idea what my sexuality is but I fell in love with two girls so far and that´s it. SURPRISE! Haha, no. Never. I told it to nine people in real life (not counting the internet), the obtrusive boy included. I´m still not sure about the labels. Having to choose one of them is making me feel uncomfortable. I just kind of like fluid labels like gay or queer. I will come out only if there is a reason for it. For example when I´ll start to date and it will be serious. I will come out if it is a boy or a girl. I have to tell my family anyways. Even if I dated a boy, it wouldn´t be easy for me to tell them because I´m a very shy person. Coming out in every case, haha.
So that was my story. My main point is – labels sucks. I don´t want to put myself to any concrete label because I don´t want to be judged. If you don´t know what label suits you, you don´t have to use any of them. If you need to label yourself, feel free to do it. Life is too short to trying beeing someone else. Just be yourself. Good luck!

Bisexual/ Queer

I grew up in a small farm town in Indiana. Open mindedness was not a thing where I was from. Being raised by older parents and growing up in an closed mindset community, I was raised to believe that those who choose same sex relationships were sinful and “wrong in the head”. I always sensed I was different from about 14 on. But it wasn’t until I was 16 walking the halls of High School thinking I can’t be gay dad will hate me. So….. I suppressed the queer side of me that wanted to be with girls, dated some boys, and tried really hard to be “normal”. Several years of chronic depression and anxiety later I finally turned 21, lived on college campus, and had a mad crush on a girl in my class. Fate, God, the Universe or whatever force you believe in, this girl was also bisexual. And although a relationship never happened, I owe it to her and one drunken night for my official coming out story. I chose to live honestly and came out to my friends and family soon after. Things did not go well at first, but we did a lot of growing, and things did get better. Fast forward a few years and I am now happily married 2 years to my beautiful wife. All of my friends were there and my parents walked me down the aisle. I am so very fortunate to have such a positive outcome. We now live in the same small town I grew up in where we strive to live positive, out, queer lives, and strive to make the world a more loving place. #KeepItReal

I am Charlie, a queer trans male.

I have been misgendered from a very young age.

Whether it was a stranger seeing a boy but being told that I was a girl or by my parents who only ever knew me as a female. Then came my next identity crisis. In primary school, I also had my first crush on a girl which created a new bunch of questions that I didn’t know whom to ask. I hadn’t been taught about the vast spectrum of genders and to the extent that I had a sense of sexuality it was faint at best.

I have always been lucky to be surrounded by people who support me and have loved me for whoever I want to be. However even at the tender age of 11, I was well aware that the world around me was not always going to have my back. This fear of whether or not I would be accepted for who I am kept me from yelling from the rooftops how I felt and how I wanted to look.

I went to a girl’s school in Melbourne, Australia. While this only further awaked my sexuality, it did nothing to help with my doubts over who I was. As a 14-year-old I never felt more different to everyone else around me than when I was at school play acting at being a girl surrounded by other teenagers who were definitely female. Yet due to the limited education that I had received about the gender spectrum I only felt alienated and different, without the comfort of having an identity that I could cling to. Believing that there are only two genders in the world, boy and girl, and that you are what you are born as, sent me to a terrifying and dark place.

Even so, I had the comfort that my friends were supportive of me when I came out as queer. I was so shocked when they shrugged and moved on like it was a completely normal thing, I had to ask them if they had heard what I said. Every LGBT story I had ever read led me to believe that I would receive a negative reaction. However, I believe I have been lucky for my parents were the same, reacting with joy and support.

Later, I discovered the gender spectrum and I have never been more relieved. I found a place that I could home and an identity that I could feel comfortable in.

You would think that after coming out once, a second time would be like a piece of cake. Unfortunately, it was even harder. Before I had known my parents friend who were queer. They had been over for dinner and they had tucked me into my bed. Although I wasn’t certain, I wasn’t too worried. Now I was about to tell them that the daughter they had known for years could no longer be their daughter. Perhaps blurting it out at the dinner table ten minutes before our favourite tv show started wasn’t the best idea but they couldn’t have been more supportive.

Although, with my parents I am now in a place where I can talk to them comfortably about me being their son, I have not reached that level of comfortableness outside, in the real world. It is the sad truth that we do not live in a world where every single person is guaranteed to support you. But from my experience so far, there are many people out there who have my back. As someone who is still afraid to go to public toilets, stutters out that they are girl when questioned in the female bathroom but is too scared that they might be thought of as a fraud in the male bathrooms, I applaud those who stand strong and say I don’t care what the world thinks, this is me and I am proud. As a person who does not correct my grandmother when she calls me Sophie, even though my name has been Charlie for three years, I read Dom’s message and I smile, for a person who I have looked up to for so long has stood up and paved the way for many people to truly be themselves.

With the courage from Dom’s coming out, I stand here and I yell from the rooftops that I am a Queer Trans Male and I could not be more proud of who I am.

#OutIsTheNewIn

I am Chelsey. I am a girl, a lover, a fighter, a wife and I am bisexual!

My story starts when I was young, about the age of 10, though I did not realize until more recently, and I am approaching my 26th birthday. When I was younger I had a bit of a struggle with my gender identity. I was a “tom-boy” and between the ages of eight to thirteen, I refused to wear clothes from the girls section, in favor of baggy “boy” clothing, and wearing short hair. I just felt more comfortable that way, but if anyone mistook me for actually being a boy, I got angry, and couldn’t understand why it was so hard for people to get that girls can like boy things too! To be fair, I did look like a boy so I didn’t have much of a right to be upset, and now I look back on those years and laugh a little. It was also around this time that I found myself becoming more and more infatuated with female icons or characters in movies and T.V. Moulin Rouge was my all time favorite movie at age 12, but instead of being obsessed with Ewan McGregor, I was in love with Nicole Kidman. I thought nothing of it besides admiring a great artist, who just so happens to be gorgeous, I didn’t think anything of this behavior, but my uncle, who lived with my mom and I at this time, and who is gay as well, clocked this behavior and starting making comments about being gay or a lesbian, and poking fun at me about it. This of course made me furious because, for one, his words rang true to me, but I am suborn and would not stand for someone else telling me what I was, or who I liked. And two, because I would get flustered and confused and thought that there was no way he could be right about me. That wasn’t what society said was right, and surely a whole group of people would be right and he, as one man alone, must be wrong. So I did what many many people do, about all conflicting and scary feelings, and I buried them away, deep down so that I wouldn’t have to confront them myself, or give anyone else to opportunity to tell me what my sexuality was again. Besides, my family already had a gay member, there couldn’t be more than one to a family, right? Isn’t that how it works??

When I reached puberty, I started to feel much more comfortable wearing more feminine clothing and became a lot more comfortable in my own skin, which as I’m writing this, I realize that is a little ironic because puberty is when most people feel the exact opposite… non-the-less, I was feeling more like “myself” despite having an occasional moment or feeling of attraction to my friends, the female friends. I told myself that those feelings were just there because we were so close and such good friends, and like in all relationships, it was normal to feel a little jealous when you had to start sharing your time among other friends or an occasional boyfriend. Except, I wasn’t feeling jealous of their time being spent with others, I was jealous of the boy holding my best friends hand, or talking all night with her on the phone, and getting to hear her profess her love for him. And when they would inevitably break up, I would feel a little bit relieved, and all too happy to through my arms around her in support and wipe her tears. But again, for years, I would lie to myself by saying that I was acting as any friend would, and that there was nothing more to it because there couldn’t be.

So, I fell in love with men out in public, and women in my mind. And for many years, I was content with this being my reality. I met an incredible man to whom I am now married and it has been with him and the security of our relationship, that I was finally able to start letting my feelings and attractions to women come to the surface to explore. There is a small part of me that wishes I had come to that point much sooner, and before we were married, especially given that I was quite young when we did so, and at twenty-two years old, there is so much life left to live and years to spend figuring out things like sexuality and love and attraction. But we were firm in our decision to marry and it was the best decision I’ve made.

I am not a particularly spiritual person, but I have truly been blessed with finding my husband who loves me for exactly who I am, and for being there to listen to my ramblings and vocal realizations about being bisexual. He created a safe place for me to talk about my feelings, when I had not created one for myself, and for that I am very thankful. Eventually I felt more comfortable talking to friends about my realization, and my sisters who are nothing but amazing and supportive, and honestly didn’t have much of a reaction to my confession, besides making it seem like there was absolutely nothing different about me to them. And I mean that in the very best way. I was still the same “Chelsey” that they grew up with, I was still me, only with a very big realization, which to be honest, some of them knew before I did. I became more and more comfortable with this as my new truth over the last four years that this discovery process lasted, but through all of it I was certain that I would never be comfortable telling my mother. I didn’t think that she would be angry or upset about it, I just didn’t want her to make some kind of snarky comment or mention the fact that I’m married to a man and the obvious complexities of sexuality and marriage. These were issues I had been navigating, quite gracefully with my husband for years and I wasn’t yet ready for her input.

Now I find myself in a strange position, along with the rest of the world, where I have not left my house for anything other than walking the dog and taking out the trash for twenty-one days. During my time of self-quarantine, I have been finding ways to stay creative. I am a writer and a photographer, which are mediums I have used quite frequently to express myself and other issues dear to my heart, but the topics of sexuality, lgbtq, gender norms and freedom have been taking up more space than anything else in my mind. I have written poetry and done a couple photo shoots with myself eluding to my sexuality, to use as my own full coming out to my mother. I don’t exactly know what shifted in my mind or in my heart about it, but I have come to a place where I would just so much rather be completely out and free to express and talk about who I am with everyone in my life. So when my mother asked to read my poem, as she is my biggest fan and I love her dearly for that, I sent it to her happily and without reservation or fear. It is as follows:

In all the land of milk and honey,
when all the land was warm and sunny
there stood a girl, and in her eye
she saw the long day pass her by.
She stood and stared, then sat to cry
for there was none to hold her high.

She had in mind the arms that would,
forbidden as they were.
For in those arms her heart did lie
though there was one thing more.
Their lives had parted long before,
still, longing filled her soul,
to hold the one for whom she’d die,
great love must come with a tole.

Devoted she was to someone new,
though torn, her mind had split in two.
With one for him and one for her,
but in the end with what to do,
she knew not who to choose.
For if she did, the choice she’d make,
well surely two would stand to loose.

But in the night, her dreams held true,
the love it was her heart went to.
Though with the dawn her sadness grew,
the warmth she felt was gone, she knew.

And though she woke, she could not rise.
Her mind was lost beneath her eyes,
instead it soared beyond the seas,
and weaved around among the trees.
It fluttered to the place she knew,
this place it was where her heart grew.

It found it’s way and hoped to stay
into the arms where lovers play.
And in those arms she loved so dear
her eyes began to shed a tear.
She wasn’t sad, or mad, but glad,
for it was her she’d wanted so bad.
And as it was her that her heart had belonged
she knew from the start that it had all along.

So I sent the poem off to my mom, and awaited the questions I knew that she would have for me. And she did have questions, and I answered them by explaining my journey to figure out who I am and who I want to be, and how I want to be seen and fit into the world. I explained that I have come to realize that I am bisexual and I am married to a man, and I would not change one second of this life I have been given to figure out. Her response was very simple, and to the point, and not what I had expected. She said “I thought so.” and added the “thinking man” emoji to her text. I am thankful to say that her response made me feel so relieved, and seen, and loved, and I will never take that for granted because I know that there are many other people out there with stories similar to mine, who do not get the same warm feelings in response to their coming out. I love my mother to pieces, and everyone who has been there to support me in everything I do in this life. I will take none of them for grated, and I will be living my life, doing the best to spread love, understanding and light to those dark sides of society as I go.

Thank you so dearly, from the very bottom of my heart, and from the depths of my being where I had been hiding away my true self for so many years. Everyone living an out and open life, and everyone who is trying to get there right now, you are all my heroes, and you are not alone in this crazy world!

All my love to you,

Chels

Good Afternoon from the tip of South Africa, Cape Town

My name is Melissa. I am a 36-year-old woman and have always been lesbian. My story is slightly different to many of the stories I’ve read on this site and would like to represent the LGBTQ stories that closely represent mine; my reason – I have not yet come across a story reflecting my journey.

My sexual orientation was very clear to me at the age of 5. It wasn’t a case of ‘i knew’, in fact, I had no idea that homosexuality was a term nor that it was deemed unacceptable in many worldly societies. I was simply being me. It was perhaps later when a fellow classmate mouthed a question to me; “What, are you lesbian?” that I realised, ah! people aren’t okay with this. It was not about the words she used but the tone and body language she used to express her disdain. I never hid my sexual orientation; I was far too confident of that. I was so confident that I had prepared myself mentally that when the day came that, I would inform my family and friends, I was ready to leave them behind because I was not willing to sacrifice a part of me for the sake of protecting the dignity and pride of others. At 16, I came out. At 18 I came out to the entire high school and not one person cared that I had nor were phased by the big step; I like to believe it is because I was confident and so in touch with myself that I would not allow the world to convince me that being me was actually wrong. Perhaps they felt that energy, perhaps they respected it or perhaps they really just didn’t care that I am attracted to women – I’ll never know. What I did learn was, always choose you first and support that strongly; there is only one you and for those that do not serve you well, walk away. Speak about your sexual orientation with normality; we attract what we reflect about ourselves to others – everything in life is a mirror.

Not straight

I’m Katelyn, I’m 14 and I live in small town Louisiana. In 2016, I was 11. This show that my great aunt told me to watch was called supergirl. And supergirl was the first show I had ever seen, as a 4th grader, that had a gay character. Alex Danvers was always my favorite even before she came out. I didn’t want to tell anyone but when she came out I liked her a lot more, and I didn’t know why. At that time I still was convinced I liked boys. I had a “boyfriend” if you can even call it that in the fourth grade. I was not fully aware of lgbtq+ people. My parents never hid it from me but didn’t talk about it directly. My dad’s best friend is a lesbian and had girlfriends and all but I didn’t fully understand what that meant. Until I watched supergirl and I watched as Alex struggled with her feelings and eventually came to terms with it. I continued to watch supergirl religiously until like sixth grade. At this point i had different boyfriend. The only reason I have ever had boyfriends is bc everyone around me began having crushes and boyfriends. I never really liked the boys i dated more than a friend. One of which was my best friend. He said he liked me and asked me out. I felt so nervous and pressured that he would become upset if I said no so I said yes. It was awkward holding his hand or sitting close to him. And when people asked if we were dating I get uncomfortable answering. One day in social studies, my teacher moves me to a table with three other girls all of which were very friendly and funny. We would talk all the time during class and the teacher didn’t care. The girls who sat next to me was my favorite. We became really close in class, but would not talk outside of class because w each had our own friend group. In class one day we cheated together on a test and we sat extra close and we giggled the whole time. She grabbed my hand and I get a rush of nerves I strike inside of me. All of a sudden I had butterflies in my stomachs. I assumed it was because I really wanted her as a friend and we were just becoming really close. So every day we would sit really close and hep each other with work and laugh and y’all and the butterflies were always there. And every once and a while she would touch my arm and I get like I was melting. One day in line for class she made a gay joke at me and I didn’t laugh or smile. I still had never realized that I was attracted to her. She asked “hey, what’s the matter? Wait are you gay?” She whispered respectively in my ear. I stood silent for a while, pondering on what she had said. “I think so.” I said. I didn’t know why I had said it I had never even thought it before she asked. She put an arm around me and said “that’s chill, I don’t really care man sorry for joking about it.” And that was that, I had just come out to someone. And honestly I was ok with it. I had never felt any internalized homophobia or anything like that I never felt ashamed either. One day she asked me if I was okay with telling people. I didn’t see an issue so I said ya tell whoever you want I don’t care, just don’t tell my twin sister (only cause she would tel my family and I wasn’t ready for that. They are accepting and all I just wasn’t prepared at the moment and I’m still not ready). So she began telling her friends who would then come up to me and ask if it was true and I would nod. I went to a private catholic school and surprisingly never faced homophobia. They were all really interested seeing as how most of them had never known or met a gay person before. I became kind of popular. Until people wanted to know how I figured it out, like who I had a crush on. I didn’t want to say it was my best friend so I made up and answer. I chose the prettiest, sweetest girl in my grade. We never talked much but when we did she was very kind and quiet. Everyone believed me. I said don’t gel the girl because I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. After a couple of months of telling people I liked this random girl, I began to really notice how pretty and nice she was. My best friend was moved away from me in class and we began to talk less because of it. I began to have feelings for the girl I pretended to like. That girls best friend who was known as a blabber mouth, had been really nice to me and wanted or know who I liked. I told her not to tell the girl and that was the first thing she did. The girl I lied about, and was beginning to have feelings for stopped talking to me. She wasn’t mean about it she just felt uncomfortable which I understand. But it hurt. She wouldn’t even look at me when I spoke in class and avoided me in the lunch line. In seventh grade I eventually realized I was in love with her. I became really really attached to her and I get like crying every time she glanced at me and quickly turned away. Near the end of seventh grade she began to talk to me more and she became more adjusted to my reality. On the one year anniversary of coming out she was the only person, including myself, who remembered and she wished me happy one year. I cried that day. I then realized something devastating, I was going to a different school then the rest of my grade was the following year. They were going to our schools sister school and I was going to a public school. The last day of school I cried so hard. I thought about her everyday of my life until I started my new school. I found out one of my friends was hi and we bonded over that. I get more comfortable in my feelings and sexuality and I eventually graduated from my feelings for that girl. I was free from the burden of obsession I had locked myself into because of the freshness of my emotions. I feel I now, at 14, have a clearer and healthier relationship with my sexuality and I am ok. I’m good and I’m as happy as I can be. I am gay, and I’m ok with that. Girls are pretty, what can I say.

I’m still human- CONTENT WARNING: THIS COMING OUT STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTION AND/OR DISCUSSION ABOUT SELF-HARMING BEHAVIOUR, BULLYING, AND SUICIDE

I knew I was different when I was about 6 years old. I never liked girly things I would play football with the boys and chase the girls playing kiss chase. I realised I was attracted to women when I was in high school. I told my best friend that I was gay when I was 15. It didnt go so well soon the whole school knew. I was bullied really badly i had my hair set on fire, people tipped cans af coke over my head, i got beat up on the way home every day. I had to cut out chewing gum from my hair every day. It was a nightmare I fell into a deep depression and started self harming. When I was 16 I tried to kill myself I couldn’t take it anymore, I was being tortured for being myself. I hid my sexuality and got a boyfriend. He was also gay and didnt want the same abuse I was getting so we pretended to date. We would hold hands and hang out together. Things got a little easier after that. When I was 19 I started going to the gay village in manchester I would dance in the clubs hook up with women but would give them a fake names because I was so scared everyone would find out I was gay. When I was 21 I got very drunk and shouted at my mum that I was gay while trying to climb the stairs. My mum just smiled and said she had always known and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am. I wished I’d have told her when I was at school instead of lying about why I was being bullied. I am now 39 years old I’m married to the most beautiful woman on the planet. We have been together for 15 years and every day I find something new to love about her. I wish I hadn’t experienced the abuse I suffered as it has had negative effects on me like I dont like people coming up behind me or standing to close to me. I still suffer with bouts of depression and low self esteem but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if i hadn’t gone through that. I’m still human after all. Xxx

Lesbian- CONTENT WARNING: THIS COMING OUT STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTION AND/OR DISCUSSION ABOUT BULLYING AND DEPRESSION.

When I was nine I had a crush on a girl in my class. I would get a sick fizzy feeling in my stomach everytime I saw her. I never liked boys and as I grew older and more sexually aware I knew I was different from everyone else. Unfortunately this put a target on me and I was bullied throughout high school. I became closed off and depressed because I wanted to be like everyone else, what society classed normal. I hid my sexually away from everyone until I was 23. Unlike me my little brother who is also gay wore his sexuality on his sleeve he never cared what anyone thought and gave me the courage to accept myself for who I really am. So i took a deep breath and told my mum i was gay and she smiled. She said she had known who I was since I was 4 and only wanted to kiss girls while playing kiss chase. Now as I near my 40th birthday I am out, i am married to the most beautiful woman in the world and i am happy.

Human who loves human

I have the luck to have a open-minded family so since I was 6 I remember watching shows like glee and never asking why there was a gay couple because I always thought that was a normal thing and I remember then watching Brittany and Santana (also in glee) and feeling a little something inside me so at the age of 8 I started watching youtube videos about the community or different channels of wlw and I realized there was a lot of people who hated the community and I started identifying as an ally and the next year (9 y/o) I became really close with to friends and I felt really good with them because we could talk about everything without anyone judging but I was still an “ally” until I was 11 I was a fan of a youtube channel of two girls from spain who are a couple and one of them made a clan in clash of clans and I decided to join, at that time I had a boyfriend, in the clan i met this girl (we are going to call her Lisa) and we became really good friends (through internet because we love distance) then i started having fillings for her but i had a boyfriend so i broke up with him (he was really possesive) and after i broke up with him one day lisa told me she liked me and i didn’t knew how to respond cause i was a little confused about my fillings so i told her that and we continue to be friends, 2 weeks leater i realised i liked her too so i armed my self with courage and i told her and became girlfriends and i started identifying my self as bisexual and i still do but i really dont care abut labels in my sexuality or gender. I first came out to one of my friends from when I was 9 y/o when I was 12 and then I started to come out with my closest friends until one day I was little sad because of a girl and my mom noticed and she asked me what happened and I didn’t tell her the truth but she didn’t believe me so she told me “I think you are a little confused with your sexuality” and I told her that I wasn´t and she asked me “so you’re straight” and that was the moment when I told her, No, and then she asked me if I was gay and I also said no and after some seconds thinking she asked me if I was bisexual and I told her, yes, and then I started crying and all the emotional stuff but she accepted me.
My mom told my dad and i didn’t know that he knew but he also accepted me and my brother as well. I’m not out at all because I have some friends that I never told but now that im 15 if someone asks me if I like girls I would tell them without a problem and I don’t try to hide my self, I do and post whatever i want. blessed it be