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When I was 22, I was reading Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult and I wished I was gay because I wanted a wife, I wanted a relationship like the one the women in the book had. I told this to a friend of mine and she said, “Maybe you’re gayer than you think?” Four months later, I’d left my male fiance and was dating my friend.
I would never have believed that my childhood dream of becoming an actress, would lead me to reconsider my sexual orientation …
While I was looking for inspiration to play a crazy girl with a gun and a lesbian for audition scenes to try to get into a drama program, here Google offered me “Wynonna Earp”. After listening to a few excerpts, I was too intrigued to stop there … Something strange happened in me when I saw Wayhaught for the first time … My heart was racing and i wanted more. This new feeling had something euphoric and strange at the same time …
At the beginning, I rented the season one only for my auditions, always looking for inspiration to embody a romantic feeling that I have never felt. Then, from episode 2 to episode 9, while I realized more and more that I was not indifferent to Wayhaught, the famous scene of the first kiss made me realize that what was possible for Waverly was possible for me too … no matter what my family thought I was by the way I be or act …
It happened in January this year and I didn’t always go out, because I don’t think I should since we don’t have to define ourselves publicly by our sexual orientation … Maybe it is motivated by the fear of revealing myself … I am already disabled so what kind of strange person and actress I would be in the eyes of people if in addition to being a “Tomboy” physically disabled, I was queer …
If the path to full acceptance of myself is still under construction, I tell myself that publishing this rainbow wave is a good start!
Now that I have said everything to you, I return to look at Wynonna and Wayhaught … only as inspiration for my auditions.
Looking forward to being on your screen as a proud disabled actress and queer.
I think I was 14 when I realised that I was gay. I was watching “Dr House” and there was a kissing scene between two women. At that time I didn’t understand why I was so obsessed with it. I thought about it all the time. And then a few weeks later I discovered a TV show all about gay women. And then it clicked. The thing is at that time there were no representation at all. Of course I knew lesbian existed, but I didn’t know it could be me. It took me a few months to fully accept it, that I was that person. A year later, the day that I started to go out with my first girlfriend, I came out to my parents. I didn’t want to lie to them, it was important to me to be true to myself and to my family. I believe that I am very lucky because I came from a open minded, loving family so it was a relief to come out. I wish that every coming out story would be as peaceful and happy as mine. Love is love. And love is beautiful.
I knew when I was a freshman in high school. I was in love with my best friend. We never tried a relationship. I was torn. It was a hard process for family acceptance. It’s been a constant struggle. I continue to be out and proud and love who I love. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years. It’s my first same sex relationship. We’re slowly coming out to everyone and being proud of who we’re with.
I felt (and still kind of do feel) a bit confused about who I like. But I knew I was 100% in to girls as well in 2016. I came out to my friends in 2017 and I promised my self I would come out to my family soon after. It’s now 2020 and I am still in the closet with my family. I know they know I am not straight but I am just too scared to have the conversation with them. I know they will accept me and nothing ‘bad’ is likely to happen but I just can’t say it to them and I am worried that they dynamics may change, especially with my dad.
I think I have always known, but when from a small town with little diversity, you push the feelings aside until you are generally faced with an opportunity to understand more. Much like the founder, I have an appreciation for males and females but my soulmate and best friend happened to be female which all of a sudden made life a bit more challenging and amazing at the same time. I had to deal with an ex-husband, my daughter and family. Was not easy but after nearly 20 years, raising my daughter, having a son together and finding myself, I could not be happier. I am finally comfortable with who I am and always willing to help others do the same.
I’ve always knew I was not like other girls when I was little. Never really got into barbie dolls and all the girly things. I always liked what they boys liked. It wasn’t until high school that I realized that I liked girls and it really threw me off. At that time is when Prop 8 was getting introduced and people were fighting for their right to marry their partners. Something about seeing that and being devastated because that’s how I felt. One day I want to be married and have kids but people saw someone marrying someone of the same sex wrong, so I suppressed who I was. Then 2016 came along and I was really fighting my demons on who I was and who I loved. I looked myself in the mirror and finally came to terms that I love women and that I’m normal and like everyone else. I told my siblings and they support me 100%. I haven’t told my parents and probably never will but it is what it is. I don’t need that negativity from them. My name is Jenell and I’m proud to say that I’m a lesbian and I love women 
#OutIsTheNewIn
I really wasn’t aware of my sexuality until I was about 21 or so. Before that, I just thought I was suppose to have a boyfriend, and never really questioned it. Not out of fear or being closed up, it just didn’t occur to me TBH.
However I never felt truly content in my relationships with men.
Later I joined a theater school/company which had a lot of LGBTQ members, and that’s really when I kind of realised that there was this whole world of possibilities; it sounds like I was living under a rock LOL, but I guess my head was elsewhere, and my path to find this part of myself was supposed to be this way.
Once I had this realization, everything changed. Love seemed more possible somehow. And I truly belive this is the feeling everyone should have, without even needing a label or specific rights. We’re humans, that’s all. There are so many things to fight for in this world, and the freedom to love whoever our hearts want should not be one of them. It is, after all, the most universal practice/feeling; and it shouldn’t be caged into one ideology.
I’m grateful to have a wonderful and open minded family, and coming out wasn’t an issue. I wish it could be this way for all of you; and that soon enough the term “coming out” will not even exist anymore. We will just love who we love, no questions asked.
I knew I truly liked girls at the age of fifteen (I’m a 28-year-old woman now). How did I know? Well.. I was looking at my favourite poster.. and there she was, Avril Lavigne was pinned on my bedroom wall and there was me thinking “f*ck. I’m in love with you and how the hell are we going to meet?”. Don’t judge me.. come on! I was young and she was a hot skater girl! (she still is hehe). Anyways, that is how my story started.
I can’t complain because I’m aware of how lucky I’ve been during the process. To start, I came along with a girl in high school (just friends) who told me she was lesbian so she had to face the barrage of questions I threw out to her (bless her) to make sure that I wasn’t going through a “phase” of feeling homosexual. She helped me a lot. My dilema in that moment of my life was that I felt attracted to boys as well as girls so.. was I bisexual? Interestingly, I couldn’t imagine myself having a long-term relationship with a boy but I had really romantic ideas when thinking of girls.. (I’ve done spectacular romantic things by the way). I tried to find a label capable to represent me but I couldn’t so I honestly thought; “What the hell, the “label” is ME and if you don’t like it you know where the door is”.
I think that is the point of all this. From my experience, you attract your fears. There is a simple and real personal example (you are allowed to laugh, I know it is a bit ridiculous). I have selacophobia (shark phobia). Okay, I wanted to sound intellectual so I looked up the proper noun and I just pooped myself because there were pictures of sharks next to the definition (not funny). Anyways, due to my selacophobia I see sharks everywhere; people wearing shirts with sharks stumped on them, TV advertisements where in order to sell pills they show a shark swimming (why?? I mean..why??), and a large etc. This situation can be extrapolated to all of your life experiences. If you are scared of people because you think they may be judging you just because you are not “traditional” you will come across with people thinking that way. You have the power to attract whatever you want so be yourself. Mum told me once something really wise; “When you discuss something in front of an audience, 50% of them will agree with you and the other 50% won’t. Therefore, be yourself and you will be surrounded by those thinking the same as you do”.
Going back to the thread of the conversation, there is an important topic to be discussed; Parents. Here comes when everything got complicated. I experienced two very different reactions (my parents are not together).
Conversation with my dad:
(In the car. He was driving.)
Me: Daddy.
My dad: Tell me.
Me: I’ve got to tell you something important.
My dad: What is it?
Me: … yeah well…
My dad: …
Me: You like women, do you?
My dad: Yes. Why?
Me: Me too.
My dad: Oh. And are you happy?
Me: I really am.
My dad: Me too then.
(Simple and easy. Men style.)
On the other hand, it was completely different with mum. She caught me sneaking out with a girl (everyone knows mothers have superpowers). It was a difficult time for both of us. She loves me so much that she was scared of me being hurt. From her life experiences she knows that there are violent people whose ideals are completely radical regarding the freedom of love. I remember my mum crying in front of me, apologising because deep inside her she wanted to accept the situation without shame, she wanted to understand me but she couldn’t. Seeing your mum hurting that much breaks you heart into million pieces. Then I realised what I had to do. If I wanted her to truly accept me, I had to accept that she needed to fit all that emotions into her heart and I had to comprehend her worries so I told her that it was okay, that we would make it through no matter how long it would take. Time did its job though and now she is completely okay with it so do not give up on people! Everyone has their own odyssey so try to not rush others’ processes.
I know it is hard and sad thinking someday your parents will be gone, that friends come and go but there you are. You’ve got yourself and that is forever. You have to take care of your heart and soul. Good news are that the sooner you do it, the sooner will come the day you will get up and realise how strong and authentic you’ve become. And I’m sure that people around you will be there because they love see you being you.
Hope it helps!
CONTENT WARNING: THIS COMING OUT STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTION AND/OR DISCUSSION OF ABUSE, SELF HARMING BEHAVIOR, AND SUICIDE.
Hello, my name is Paula from Brazil and my coming out history is a little confusing, so I’m gonna try to resume it as possible as I can.
Why is it complicated? Because a huge part of my childhood was erased from my mind, or at least for a long period I had these huge blanks in my brain, consequences of child abuse suffered from my 8 until my 12 years old. So when my teens came up I was struggling with a lot of stuff, so my orientation and sexual identity was on the surface of all my internal problems. Such as depression, substance abuse, ODs, attempts of suicide, and hospitalizations.
But at the same time, I was quite different and I was pretty conscious that I had attractions with girls but also with boys. Although with boys I was feeling guilty as well. Because I was constantly feeling all this overwhelming hate. Hate of the world, hate of myself, and hate of all men… almost rage if I’m being really honest. Probably, that’s why I was constantly close to dying because I wasn’t giving a fuck about anything.
My brother and best friend (RIP) was the first person I’d come out. I was 14 years old. But is funny though, because was him that asked me with I was gay. And was ok with all my family, as a matter of fact, everybody embraced. Honestly, I didn’t have a problem with the girl’s attraction part, I’d always felt comfortable and safe with them. My struggle was accepting that it was okay having attractions for boys as well. That only took 10 years of my life, even though I was able to have sex experiences with men I’m still having trust issues, emotionally speaking.
Only four years ago I could see other questions tagged in my mind. Questions about my identity, am I trans or not? Because I never felt comfortable with my body, but is it possible that is my child abuse tricking me? Or maybe I just don’t like labels and have a different idea about what women and men are. Or maybe I just don’t feel like either one of them. This is still a work in progress and sometimes I don’t think if I still have the energy. Or maybe is just fear because I live in a country where LGBTQ people have no voice or even proper rights. Especially trans people. Every day a trans life is taken from just for being trans in Brazil.
Music, art, vegan diet, animal care, and LGBTQ activism. Those are all the stuff that literally saved my life. Because I feel like we are here to constantly changing and to always transcend to a better version of ourselves, and maybe or probably, I’m gonna need another life to discover it. So kills me how the world can be so ugly sometimes.
And that’s why I really don’t know how I’m alive. I’m 30 years now and I look all this stuff I had to survive and deal with. But surprises me every day how hopefully I still am, and surprises me how I can be so fucking positive that annoys myself.
I know that I need to deal with a lot of stuff yet.
But I’m proud to already be so much more.
And especially I’m proud to look backward and access all that pain and suffering but with all the fucking strength of the world.
I’m proud to just be alive, honestly.
