Community Rainbow Waves

I’m autistic and queer…

It is exceedingly difficult in itself having a condition like autism that has made you different since you are born. It is difficult to be singled out as a child as different, and to be judged for your behavior, for the way you communicate, for how you think or see the world. But, how difficult it is, when growing up you realize that autism was not your only difference but also who you have been attracted to. It is a very lonely journey, doubly judged, where anxiety, fears take over you. Feeling confused, that you do things wrong, is a very heavy burden. but, you have to be brave, brave to assume who we really are. Assuming that the way you process the world is not wrong, nor who you decide to love. The journey through life is uphill, but not because of what they will say you must stop being you.

A genderqueer Rose.

Well, I realised I was in the community when I was 15 but I’m still figuring out myself. I started coming out when I was 16 and now I just don’t really care who knows cause I love myself and that’s all you need.

Always be myself

I realized in high school that I wasn’t attracted to boys, I went to catholic school though, so I kept up a facade. I started seeing females during college. I never really had a “coming out” story, I just kinda came home with a girlfriend one day & that was it. My sisters didn’t care, they love me no matter what. My parents are ok with it, but my mom still occasionally makes comments about dating one of my guy friends, while I do love him, I don’t love him like that. I’ve had my ups & downs with relationships, my 1st one was abusive. Then I was not so no eat with my next & I did cheat. My most recent one was 7 years, it ended back in October, she left me for a friend of a friend, they’d known each other like a month & got married a week after she left me. Since then I’ve been taking time for me, get back in touch with myself, what I want, what’s important, & right now, for me, my family & friends are most important. I lost touch with 2 of my best friends because of my ex, but I got back in touch with them & that’s the best decision I’ve made.
I’m so proud of you Dom for coming out, you are a beautiful person both inside and out. Always be yourself

Tara

Well to start this I guess no one knows who I am but hi I’m Tara

And I guess this is my coming out story uwu!!

I remember the first time I ever learnt about the lgbtq Community was from a girl I met in year 7, she said she was bi leaning that she liked men and women and I remember thinking to my self like are you even aloud to like your own gender, from there on it’s always had me thinking about and I started to see the word in a different light, after a while I started to moved to liking girls and seeing how pretty they were, she I cam out bi still being unsure on what gender I liked, I had started dating a boy but it only lasted for 2 weeks because I just didn’t feel any connection to him, we felt more like best friends then a relationship and we kept it at that growing a even stronger friendship, half way through year 7 I had met a girl named Charlotte and she had changed my work for the best/worst I don’t remember much but we ended up dating for a year but I remember her telling me after our one year that she hadn’t been happy for months and only stayed in the relationship to keep me happy, I felt hurt because I had actually grown to like her but looking back at it now it was a toxic place in my life,

When I told my mom in 2017 I might be bi she was kind of shooked and said it’s probably just a phase and I’ll grow out of it and boy is she wrong because it’s 2020 and I’m a lesbian, anyways

I remember back in 2017 watching pitch perfect 3 for the first time not watching the first two and I shipped beca and Chloe for such a long time and that’s what kind of helps me to know what I wanted, even though they never got cannoned, after 2017 I hit a hard point of my life my dad left our family and basically cut all contacts with me and took my baby piper away who was my boxer, I had loved that dog with all my heart, but I was also glad my dad was gone because he was never there for me growing up and was always just toxic and rude, even now days he does not bother to she me any love and yet shows it to my brother and it does hurt me at Times because I’ll never get that have to father daughter experience that others get to have but this is my life, at this time in my life o had also gained weight and felt even more depressed about my self, as everyone around me was skinny and pretty where as I was the 5,4 girl with the extra weight just trying to fit in but never could, it wasn’t really until I left my old school and moved that I had found my passion for film and photography, one day hoping to be a movie producer and Director, and I had made much better friends who where all in so way gay, fast forward to 2020 being where I am I’m still in locked down but I had discovered Wynonna Earp, at first I didn’t want t watch it because I heard a lesbian died and I didn’t want to cry over it but then i watched it, and I just have to say I am in love with the show the cast and crew and the fandom, they have to be some of the nicest people I met and I’m now big fans of Kat and dom I fell my cheeks hurting from smiling, and because of their characters Waverley earp and Nicole haught I have truly discovered who I am and “I am a lesbian”, when I went to tell my mum again I was I bit nervous since what happened back in 2017 but I wrote it on paper and gave it to her, to my luck she supports me and says just because you like. Girls doesn’t change anything and it made me feel really great to know I will always have one parent who loves and supports me for who I am

And I’m now starting to get my life on track and have managed to lose weight and I feel a bit better about my self

To anyone reading I wanna say sorry this 12:30 am and I kind of wrote this on the spot.

Pansexual

I had some of my first thoughts about being with girls when I was about 9 or so years old. Prior to that I had never really been interested in anyone or being with any one in a romantic way. At this point in my life I didn’t even know being queer was an option. Although I do live in an accepting home, There were never any situations where I was exposed to this kind of love. At the time, I had just thought I was being weird, and I kind of just lost interest in even thinking about anyone in a special way, whether that’s because I was trying to hide my true self, or that’s just who I was I still don’t know. Fast forward 3 years or so, I had met two friends in school and gradually we grew closer together. Over the summer us 3 would face time nearly every day, and they knew a secret that I didn’t because they were friends before they knew me. One of them was gay. That declaration got me thinking, and opened up a door in some ways. I thought about whether that could be me, but I always just though, “No, you just want to be like her.” Because I admired her in a way, and still do. And then I stumbled across a wonderfully written show, Wynonna Earp. The character of Waverly, portrayed by the lovely Dominique Provost-Chalkley, sort of made me realize something. It’s hard to explain, but the idea that you can be swept off your feet by someone you never even thought you would ever be with really spoke to me. I myself identify as female, and I thought about it. I could be with a man, sure. But I also thought that I would be okay with dating a woman as well. I couldn’t care less what they identified as, as long as I love the person. And not long after through the openness and support of my friends I was able to tell them, all of them, and no one ever saw me any different. In fact, me and another friend of mine (who is bisexual) helped someone else be open about who they were to our friend group, which was beautiful. And that night we decided on a funny way to tell my parents. I am so thankful that my family was so accepting, and simply didn’t care. My whole life my parents never referred to my future lover as a husband, they always said “whoever I marry” which helped a lot. So, the way that I decided to come out was through the use of a pumpkin. My friend painted a pan sexual flag on a little pumpkin, and I labeled it ‘Panpkin’. I put it on the mantle one fireplace, and my sister figured it out almost immediately, and when my mom finally got it, she spoke to me about it. Since then I’ve been living an amazing life with incredibly supportive friends and family, and because Waverly was such an important figure during my journey, I decided to name my beloved Portuguese Water Dog after her. She’s 5 months old and a racket, but I love her none the less.

A self reflection

I honestly haven’t come out because I’m scared and unsure how my family will react. I had a bestfriend that as time past we became closer and closer. I began to catch feelings for her. When I found out she felt the same, we just went with it because we didn’t really talk about it. Now, I begin to question myself of my sexuality and feel like I’m gay but then again I’m unsure if I really am.

Why_the_universe

I found out that I can love girls as well, when I met a young lady named Evelyn in summer 2014. My parents and I were on vacation in Spain and she was the host of a series of beach parties I went to. We never kissed, we barely talked but I was deeply attracted to her. Looking back, I already had a few crushes on girls way before summer 2014. But only then I realized how serious it was. Back in Germany I tried to forget about Evelyn, forget about those feelings and tried to suppress everything. It didn’t work out – of course. The first person I told was my best friend. I honestly don’t remember the conversation we had. But I felt better after. So I told another friend. And another. Everyone was being chill about it. One of my friends suggested that it might be a phase. I know she wanted to calm me down but the minute she said it, I knew that it wasn’t a phase. I knew that this was indeed my truest self. It still needed a lot of time to accept that though. I told my mother more or less “by accident”. We listened to some music until a song came on that reminded me of Evelyn. I started crying and my mother tried to figure out what was going on. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her. She started crying too because she was worried about me and after what felt like ages, I whispered that I might be into girls as well. Then she started crying even more because on one hand, she was relieved that it was “just that” and on the other hand, it caused her so much pain to see me in such a bad state. The next day we told my dad together. It came unexpected for him and he didn’t react in an emotional way but now I know that he was actually so emotional, that he tried to hide it from me. He wasn’t emotional because he didn’t want me to be gay but because he knew the troubled path I had in front of me. I still don’t know why it took me so long to truly accept who I am. My parents were full on supporting me. The more friends I told, the more acceptance I felt. Still – in 2016 I became depressive and had to go to therapy. It helped me a lot. The same year I went to my first Christopher Street Day. I also graduated school and started studying at university in another city. I worked hard and saw myself getting more comfortable with telling people the older I got. To this day I’ve never experienced a bad reaction from anyone. In summer 2018 I finally found the courage to tell the rest of my family. It’s truly one of my favourite memories of all time, because it was very heart-warming and I not often felt this loved as I did in those moments. A huge struggle for me was to find out as what exactly I’m identifying. I’m still not a hundred percent sure but I don’t blame myself for it anymore. Right now, I identify as pansexual, just because I think it’s the label that leaves the most doors open. Not long ago in the beginning of 2020 I had to deal with my sexuality again, since I’m studying to become a teacher in religious education (amongst other things) and church and not-heterosexuality obviously aren’t best friends. I found a way to connect my faith and my sexuality though and I want to encourage everyone to always take the chance to rethink your relationship with your sexuality. I think it’s a lifetime process and yes, it’s hard, it’s exhausting and sometimes it’s just not fair. But trust me, after every conflict, after every crisis and after every struggle, you’ll start falling in love with yourself more and more. Although there are still times where I’m insecure, I now also feel insanely PROUD to be who I am. Just imagine how boring life would be, if we weren’t part of the rainbow. Maybe we have to walk the bumpy path but at least there are thousands of bright colours around us. I’d take that over the easy but grey path every time. Be patient and be gentle. WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

A burrito but like very spicy

Well to make it short I’ve always wanted to look like some girls (since always like padme from Star Wars when I was like 4), and some day I juste realized like “hey MAYBE I don’t want to be like them but to be WITH them”. Then I was like : I’m a lesbian donc try to convince me otherwise.
I didn’t really told my parents and entourage they just understood as I was just myself completely.
Then I started to put words on the fact that I never felt like myself in my body or when called “she, her”..
So yeah just like that I knew that I was actually trans (ftm) and yeah a boy like “hey let’s just complicate everything”. That was 4 1/2 years ago and I struggled a lot with that.
I’m out as a straight boy to my friends and my school and some members of my family but let’s say that my family aren’t that open minded about it so yep I have to pay all myself and being just 18 I can finally start this long journey on my own.
So yep long story short this was my life so far, good day to all from France <3

Bisexual

Growing up I was taught “God didn’t make us to be gay”, but now I’m an atheist so I say fuck the rules.

When I turned 14 I was met with the biggest challenge in my adolescent life ‘love’, I was told from a very young age that I will one day have my first crush and my first kiss with a boy I really like, but instead that ‘boy’ was changed into Rachel Lewis, a girl in my grade who stole my pens and my heart, she helped me accept a part of me I never thought I would and that was the fact that I was queer.

Rachel was a pretty toxic person to have a crush on, she played with my head, was super bipolar and ignored me for no reason other than the fact that she was bored. But even though she was a condescending bitch, a really pretty condescending bitch might I add, when we were talking about how we were in love with our English teacher every bad thing she had done just disappeared.

When I was 14, I assumed I was a lesbian, because of my lack of interest in boys at the time and my love for Katie McGrath, but then I later realized that……

I’m Bisexual

I think the reason I was so quick to diagnose myself with ‘lesbian’ was because of the lack of representation and understanding I had of bisexuals. I hear people talk about internalized homophobia, but this was internalized biphobia.

When I hit the ripe age of 16, I experienced for the first time, Homophobia and from my own mother, she had found out I was Bi by going through my messages, I was yelled at, hit, had my hair grabbed and dragged across the floor, I felt completely helpless.

But then I woke up

My body was in pain and my head hurt and at that moment I felt truly alone. My mother moved me to Australia with my Aunt forcing me to leave behind my friends, my sisters and Rachel Lewis.

This was a year ago and I still have the scar of that beating I got physically and mentally, I love my mum and am still in contact with her, I call her constantly and miss her a lot.

The part of her that doesn’t hate me deep down for being bi

I’m still in the closet with everyone. I haven’t had a girlfriend or boyfriend, yet which is depressing but writing this gives me a false sense of freedom I can only get from coming out, so I’ll say this once

If its love, fuck the rules

I’m Bisexual and proud

Carol S

I realized that I was different since I was little, when I fell in love with my roommate at age 7. Of course, I didn’t understand what that meant, but I knew I had something different. I grew up and my look to my friends was different from the look to my friends. When I got to the age to understand what was happening I repressed all this feeling. I started kissing the boys, buying posters of beautiful actors, talking about boys, trying to make me believe that I was not a lesbian. Because for the society in my time (today I am 37 years old), I was much more prejudiced, and still had my family, especially my mother, religious and very attached to children. I was afraid of hurting her.
At 15 I had my first homosexual experience. I kissed a girl. It was so strange, confusing but, at the same time, great. At that moment I realized that what I felt was for real! However, I still didn’t have the courage to take on myself or others! It was then that I plunged into religion! I participated in celebrations, prayer groups, youth groups, retreats, etc., to try to hide, oppress what I felt. It was a very big internal conflict, I suffered a lot at that time. Then I started to date a boy. It was only 6 months, then a girl appeared with whom I fell madly in love. I couldn’t resist! I stopped fighting a war that was already lost but I didn’t want to lose. I ended my relationship and we got involved. It was 4 wonderful years. Not so much with my mother! One day I went out to find my girlfriend and my mother went after me. I got a huge scare. She asked me if I liked women, I didn’t have the courage to say yes and said no. Until one day she asked me again and my heart filled with courage and I said yes. She said that I had not chosen to be a lesbian, that I simply felt attracted to women. That I did not want and never wanted to make her suffer.
At first it was very difficult, but little by little she realized how happy I was, how happy I am. I earned her and everyone in my family’s respect with great honor, dignity, wisdom and character. I love who I am and I don’t give up being happy to the detriment of anyone else!