Community Rainbow Waves

I am just me.

My small town nestled in the northern rockies wasn’t full of diversity. My friends and I grew up knowing a world existed beyond ours. One full of accents, varying skin tones, different religions and maybe even new sexual orientations. But those were just ideas, concepts really. We didn’t interact with that world and our little plot village didn’t attract it to us either. So we never thought about being anything other than part of our tiny community. After graduation we went out to discover the places we’d only seen in deteriorating history books and boy did we find them. Slowly we became part of something bigger. We traveled and learned and listened until it became clear this life shouldn’t be divided into us and them because we are, all of us, treading together through life’s unexpected craziness.
In this time most of the people I’d grown up with started coming out. My brother was bi and married his now husband, my biggest “crush” in high-school came home with his boyfriend, my best friend moved in with her partner and my whole rugby team laid down structural support systems for any and all members of the LGBTQ. But I was still afraid. Afraid of how much it would effect everything. My job at a Christian daycare, my parents chance for biological grandkids and even how much I just hate rocking the boat. But suddenly I was in love with a woman who was also not ready to tell the world. Which made it easy to justify hiding our relationship for years. Sure sometimes I wanted to hold her hand in public or kiss her goodbye at the airport but giving those up seemed easy if it meant I got to go home to her each night. When it ended with her parents finding her a man with a good job my heart broke along with the illusion that I wanted to be anything other than me. And who I loved was a massive part of me. A few prides and a couple difficult conversations later I was out at 29. It didn’t all get better, its still a struggle somedays but for the first time ever the pressure on my chest, I didn’t even know was there, has begun to fade. Seeing the world as one whole, knowing that different is what makes it so great and way more fun, helped me find my way. And while there is still so much work to be done I see the hope and happiness spreading further and faster and I can’t help but smile.

To the stars who listen— and the dreams that are answered

I was going to make up this fake encouraging story to help people in the closet see a story where the journey out isnt always painful and hard. But that’s not my truth. It’s time to stop being ashamed of my past and start being honest of my coming out. Or rather lack there of.

I was outed.

I was outed in a large scale, it could seem small to some but it felt like everything I knew was crashing down on me.

I’ve always been told I feel. I’m a feeler. I feel greatly and deeply. Everything goes in my ears and directly to my heart.

My parents always say they’re so proud I came out so young and not many can do such a thing, they deny their part in my “coming out”. I would do anything for love and affection to the point where I let them believe that’s how it went just for their praise. But this isn’t about them. It’s about me.

My story starts at 12 years old, in 7th grade at a new school. I had sunk so far into myself I’d pushed all my friends away because I thought this world didnt want me. I acted on those thoughts and tried to escape to no avail.

I spent a lot of time at home, watching shows and reading books because relating to the characters gave me a sense that I wasnt alone. Soon enough I’d stumbled upon a show that I’ll never forget, Wynonna Earp. Through that show I learned that girls could love other girls. I soon pondered if I’d felt those feelings aswell. Scared of my own thoughts I turned to my mother, “mom,” I’d said “I think I like girls. Romantically.”

She said I had time to figure it out.

The next thing I know I’m at my dads house he starts talking to me about what I told my mom, I cried myself to sleep that night, my trust so violated.

Soon all my siblings new, my dads new girlfriend too. I tried talking about it with a girl who I’d been best friends with the year before. Suddenly that popular girls at school knew everything. I was terrified in my deeply homophobic school.

That summer I went to a wedding away for a cousin of mine. We were having fun and talking at the rehearsal dinner out on the patio when my dad brought up the fact that I liked girls. Everyone looked at me as I immediately stood up and sprinted into the bushes, I didnt leave for hours sobbing even when it started pouring rain.

I’ve had more than just those experiences, and a few good ones after when I’d actually got to come out.

But even through all that pain, I came out stronger (no pun intended).

Now almost 3 years later I’m an out and proud lesbian, advocating for our community in the ways that I can. At 14 years old, I’ve planned and attended Queer Proms, Attend a Queer Youth Group, Had my own Billboard with a Queer relationship on it in Time Square, Planned a Queer Youth Trivia Night, started a Gender Sexuality Alliance, brought in a Queer Non Binary Public Speaker to educate my homophobic school how to have common decency, Helped all my friends come out, and so much more. I’m so proud of myself.

Ps. Dom I’m so proud of you!!

A girl who loves loving girls

I was 12 when I realised that it wasn’t necessarily that I wanted to BE certain girls, but that I wanted to be WITH those girls. The first time I said the words out loud, it was to my dog…best friend I ever had and least judgemental soul I knew. Perfect way to start. The second time, I didn’t tell them, they told me? My childhood best friend. Girl noticed more than I gave her credit for. I’ll always remember the way she phrased it… ‘when are you gonna tell me who you love?’, it wasn’t forceful, the tone she used, it was knowing and full of warmth…I think we were 14. The relief I felt after that conversation left me physically shaking, I felt so free and determined. It only grew from there, I told my best friends, close friends, classmates and family. Not every reaction was good, but most of the people who loved me took the time to understand, now they’re more likely to shout it from the rooftops than I am. Some didn’t, but I’m hopeful they’ll come round. The most important thing for me, is that I am confident in who I am, and that I have an amazing group of people around me who love me, no matter what. I was in my first year of high school when I started to even entertain the idea I might be a lesbian, and I was terrified. Now, I’m 18 and just finished my first year of university. I am not afraid anymore, I’m just proud.

Gay

The start of my journey was a girl. It’s stereotypical, but that’s how it happened. I was teenager, my parents were divorcing, I wasn’t even sure the true romantic love was real. Then we kissed for the first time. No longer could their be any denial of love or my sexuality, because in that moment I knew.

When I first came out, it was as bisexual. Maybe because I still had not fully accepted who I was… or maybe because the girl was bisexual. Coming out to my friends was blissfully easy. They’d suspected for years and had never had any problems with the idea. My dad, such an open minded man, again gave me no fear. My mum though. She was unpredictable. I was so scared, that I did it via text message while we were in the same house! BIG MISTAKE. I had to wait 40mins to hear back! But when she did she told me she still loved me. It somehow didn’t give me relief. As though, she was being okay with my sexuality because she felt she had to be. In this phase in my life the biggest difficult was school. I once had a group of 30 people chanting things like: “What would Jesus say” at me. Lucky for me, someone saw. The school asked me to talk to the group and asked my opinion for appropriate punishment. So they did an assembly on inclusion.

When I later came out as a lesbian, nobody was surprised. I’d dated guys, but it was clear nothing had particularly clicked. But finally I was out for me…. or so I thought.

5 years on I was 21. I was absorbing a lot of LGBT content and I remember thinking about this in the context of myself. My gender. I’d never been what you’d call ‘girly’. When I was younger I was called “a tomboy”, but when I was older, suddenly this label disappeared and I no longer had it as inclusive context. I was just different. When I was learning about other LGBT labels, one that came up was gender neutral. Because it is one I instantly identified with. I wasn’t female…I just wasn’t male either. Then I had to come out again. It took me several years to come out with one of my friends. We disagree on many things and the concept of genders beyond cis or transgender is definitely one of these. I’d tried so many times to calmly explain how it is possible for an infinite number of sexualities and genders could be, to no avail. When I told him, he was offensive – but in a way that showed his , acceptance. We constantly talk about our differing views on multiple topics. I certainly find it difficult, at times, to remember that just because he isn’t as open minded as I would like him to be he is not a bad person. He just has different views to mine.

With gender and sexuality being constantly changes, filled with multiple aspects I can not promise that these aspects of me won’t change. This is why I like to identify as ‘gay’. I feel that it is such a broad term, I can make it fit with who I am now and who I will be in future. The story above is all to brief. You come out thousands of times! It also doesn’t include some of my darkest moments, but the main point is that as dark as things have got I am me… I wouldn’t want to change that for a second. Neither should you. Be proud of who you are, regardless of what comes your way.

Painfully Beautiful

I went into fifth grade with the greatest belief that everything would be amazing. I was hoping to make many new friends and become someone that was independent for the first time. I was hoping for so many things, and got none of them. Fifth grade was the worst year of my life. It was a year that pushed me to the edge of everything and left me belittled and scared for what was going to come next.
The truth is that people often believe that fifth graders don’t have a good idea about who they are, what they like, or who they like. However, I was different. I can confidently say that fifth grade was the year that I realized that I was a bit unusual. I looked at boys with a fond eye, which is what I believed was normal, so when I first looked at a girl with that same eye, I became apprehensive. I wasn’t sure why I felt the same way and I didn’t know that what I was about to do would spark something horrible.
I walked up to this girl that I saw differently and told her, point blank, that I had feelings for her. I even remember writing her a poem and giving it to her as she stood outside of her locker. Nothing that I had done felt out of the ordinary, but as soon as someone noticed my gesture, all hell broke loose. The word got around very quickly that I was a lesbian. My classmates talked about me and laughed. They wouldn’t let me sit by them at lunch or be in their group for a project. At recess I walked alone, anxiously staring at a group as they continued to talk about me. I had never felt so isolated and alone, most of all, I had never felt so depressed. I, at the age of ten, considered taking my life. The pain that I felt kept building up and I didn’t know what to do. The only thing that kept me alive was my family.
Now, my family didn’t actually know that any of this was going on. Every day, I would leave my house with a smile on my face and come home with that same exact smile. My parents and two sisters had no knowledge of anything that was going on at school. They didn’t know that I would go into my room and contemplate why I should continue fighting and not just give up. However, if there is anything worse than what the kids were saying about me, making my parents cry would be cause the biggest pain in my heart. I could never hurt myself in a way that would leave them asking why I did something or cause them to wonder if they were the reason. Despite all of the pain that I felt throughout fifth grade, I would never leave this world for the fear that my parents would be left alone in it.
Denial was the only way that I made it out of fifth grade. I denied all of the events that had occurred and stepped right back into the figurative closet that has been created for people like me. Now, as a junior in college, I am more open with people about my sexuality. I have the biggest and best support system around me and could not be more thankful. I look at life through a new lens, filled with hope for anyone like me. I look back at fifth grade and hate it in so many regards, however, I also look at it and believe that who I am today would not be a possibility without those events. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy and I will never disregard someone for a belief or aspect of their life. I have also come to accept who I am as a person and I am no longer scared. I was so close to the edge with nobody near. Now, if I ever become close to that edge again, I know I will have multiple people behind me ready to help.

Sometimes coming out is the unexpected, you think the event will happen one way but it comes out another, Im Sarah and Im Gay.

My names Sarah, I first realized I was gay (a lesbian) around 8th grade, I found that I was attracted to women and guys didnt really interest me at all. Except around that time i thought it was unnatural to be gay and that i had to like men. Except for the fact that i had feelings for one of my best friends. So i hid that fact deep down until around Eleventh grade when my parents where looking through my stuff and found something that was from when i though i was bisexual, they addressed it by saying “lets talk about the elephant in the room” i told them it was fake and that i just wantedd to seem “cool”. Dont ask me why i was just afraid. Anywho why the end of 11th grade i finally faced the fact that i knew in my hear that i was gay, i came out to my close friends and my mentor at school first, they were all very accepting. It took me a bit longer to get up the courage to say something to my family and even till this day(12th grade) i still havent told everyone. I first told my sister through text i said “remember how you always said youd love me now matter what?” she responded “yes” and i literally just blurt it out “Im gay”. Of course she and my mom were at home so she knew already but i told her anyways again and they said that they were proud of me. however when i told my stepdad his response was “thats not news to me I already kind of thought so lol” he literally laughed afterwords. i kind of shrunk into my shell and just played it off like it was funny when in fact i was hurt. I then told my aunt who was nothing but accepting i came out to her at lunch one day by saying “shake my hand” and when she did i said “nice to meet you im gay.” anyways i came out originally because i qanted ot just face the truth but i also wanted to go out with this girl id been talking to. However after saying yes to me she crushed my heart into pieces in less than a day. I didnt recover untill like a year after when my mind and heart protecting it said to itself enough is enough. coming out is a journey and for everyone its different, mine was kind of different than i expected. i had always been one to explain sexuality to my faamily from like 8th grade on because they kind of judged people a bit on tv and so i thought theyd judge me too. however i was one of the lucky few who have mostly a very accepting family. Thank you for taking the time to read my sotry. -Skc

I Have A Girlfriend Now

Hi there, I haven’t come out to any of my family members but I knew I was gay way back when I was in 7th grade. I just wanted to share that I have a girlfriend now, for the first time ever. I couldn’t tell my family for obvious reasons but this community feels like family to me so yeah 🙂

Lesbian

Not much of a story, but have always felt different in a way. And when I tried dating a boy it felt so wrong. I’ve never felt those feelings you are supposed to feel when I was with a guy but would be attracted to woman or at that stage girls, and would only feel the butterflies with them.
Because of the way I grew up and the kind of people my family were I didn’t want to accept it and couldn’t accept what I was. Found my sell falling deeper and deeper into a hole and losing myself. When my sister found out, she was supportive and helped me thru it. Finally learned to accept who I was and when I did I felt tons lighter
It was a struggle and still learning what this all is but now I don’t apologize for who I am.

Kalyani

CONTENT WARNING: THIS COMING OUT STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTION AND/OR DISCUSSION ABOUT ABUSE AND SUICIDE.

There’s a saying in Urdu, “Sitaaron se aagey jahaan aur bhi hai, abhi ishq ke imtehaan aur bhi hai” which means that there are a lot of other worlds beyond the stars other than our own. We still have to face a lot of hurdles on this path of love. And I think that’s exactly how I feel deep in my heart.

My name is Kalyani and I’m from India. I kind of knew I was a lesbian when I was 13. But I was never sure because I always thought a big reason why I wasn’t attracted to boys was because I was sexually abused as a child. So I was confused. I was broken to the point where I completely gave up on life and started using drugs and drinking, hoping that I would somehow magically become “normal” because growing up on India it was always difficult to live my own truth about my sexuality and I wanted to be accepted and loved but I also didn’t want people to judge me for who I was. So I always kept pushing it away and that led to self harm and s*icidal tendencies.
2019 was the definitive year for me. That’s when I decided to take help and started therapy. And it helped me accept myself and love myself. I’m not saying I’ve magically just started appreciating myself but I’m getting there. I’m trying to let go of my past and forgive the people who have hurt me, I’ve reached out to the people I’ve hurt in the process and asked for their forgiveness. I started my food business in 2020 and even though I don’t always make a lot of money, I want to help the Indian LGBTQIA movement on any way I possibly can so that people like us can be heard and accepted and be allowed to live their life without being judged or shamed.

Lesbian

I’ve been out for a year and a half now and it feels so freeing like I can be myself. All my life everyone ! Has said that I’m into girls and just come out but did feel it yet but at the same time I dated guys but didn’t feel much with them either. At the time I found out I was in a really bad place I had no friends no job and my ex friend stole all my money from my account I was planning on ending my life while my mum and lil sister where at work the next day.The night before I was in YouTube and wayhaught came up and I started watching a few videos fans had made I instantly feel in love with them so the next day I started watching Wynonna Earp and from then I was hocked so Wynonna quite literally saved my life and I have no made it to my 24th birthday that I recently just celebrated on 4th of March and have been out for a year and half now and have been dating a beautiful women for 2 months nearly and I’ve never been happier if it wasn’t for the 2 beautiful souls who play Waverly and Nicole (Dominique and Kat) I wouldn’t be here today. Last year back in November on 29th of September I was fortunate enough to meet Dom and was totally amazing experience being around so many people souls. Unfortunately didn’t get the chance to meet Kat due to work commitments. So I really hope to meet both of them again as well as the rest of the cast to thank them even more !