Community Rainbow Waves

Lesbian

I am now 23 but my coming out process started when I was 13, and to be perfectly honest, it will probably never stop. In today’s society I am constantly having to ‘come out’ to new people as no one ever assumes you are gay if you don’t look a certain / stereotypical way. I always knew I liked girls since I was in primary school at the young age of 6 before I even knew it had a label. I suppressed this as there was not any same sex representations to normalise these feelings I had. But at 13 I fell in love with a girl and started my relationships with girls from this age, forcing me to identify as bisexual only to this girl. However, once that relationship ended I forced myself back to being ‘straight’ in my own mind, maybe because all of the hiding made me feel different and therefore ashamed. But when I was 15 I met another girl and convinced myself it was only her I liked and no other girls and that I was still ‘straight’. But at 16 I decided to come out as bisexual to my football team as this was my safe place since a lot of the team identified as bisexual / lesbian also. It was only when I turned 17 that I came out to my very religious friends and non-religious family who all embraced me as well as I could have expected. There was awkwardness around my first relationship and I hated this, and I refused to withhold my affections with my girlfriend for my family’s sake when I knew they wouldn’t have felt this way if she were a boy. They soon came around however and are now very accepting. I only came out as bisexual because I wanted to feel more ‘normal’ and admitting I was a lesbian made me more different than I was comfortable with. However, just before I turned 18 I decided that I needed to fully accept who I was, and not seek acceptance or validation from anyone. This was the best thing I ever did, and I’m now so happy with who I am and I am proud of it.

Carolina, 20, just trying to find out who I am.

Since I was 15 years old I thought there was something wrong with me. I never had a boyfriend in my life and it always made me wonder if there was really anything wrong with me. All the people around me were getting into relationships and I was still alone, because no one interested me or was not attracted to anyone (especially boys, which was the idea of ​​what I liked at the time). I started to question if I really liked boys or if girls attracted me more, but by putting that idea in my mind I knew that there would be a lot of people talking about me and making jokes about it and then immediately exclude that idea from my head , forcing me to be attracted to boys or the idea of ​​being with boys.
When I was 18, there was a boy who became interested in me and I, convinced that I had to convince others around me that I liked boys, ended up being with him for a month without feeling anything. It was nothing more than a friendship, but I wanted to deceive myself.
I spent the worst 4 years of my life hiding the pain I felt at not knowing what was wrong with me or who I was. It was the worst years I’ve ever had. I was lost, aimless, without anyone.
When I was 19, when I went to college, I completely changed my group of friends and started to get along with a lot of people from the LGBT + community and from then on I started feeling confident to start discovering who I am and I started to feel a little happier. I think that realizing that those people would never exclude me if I liked girls, made me start to question who I really like. I started to open up by talking to some people and clearly that I was attracted to girls. But I also continued to be attracted to some boys. And it was then that I realized that I could be bisexual. It was a difficult year, with many ups and downs, to discover who I am. My family has always given me the opportunity to like whoever I want, nothing would change with them if I liked girls and that made my life easier.
Nowadays, I still don’t really know what I am. I like boys and girls and that’s for sure. But, deep down, I think I like people for what they are and not for their gender. Therefore, I consider myself a path to my happiness and I just let love speak for itself.
My next step will be to come out to everyone who likes me for who I am and then to come out to the world. And when I find a way to do it, I’m sure I’ll be much happier.

Lesbian

i guess i knew i wasnt straight when i was watching greys anatomy and started liking amelia shepherd and lexie grey a little too much. i sort of obsessed over them and realized that wasn’t a thing straight girls did. i tried calling myself bisexual and it worked for a while, but eventually i realized i didn’t really like men the same way i like women. i told one of my close friends, and she encouraged me to tell my other friends. a year and five months ago i came out to my sister, and she said she wasn’t surprised. two weeks later i started dating one of my best friends, and we’ve been together for a little over a year and four months. then, 8 months ago, i came out to my mom. she wasn’t thrilled about me dating at 14, but she really didn’t care that i was gay. now she makes gay jokes with me and tells me to invite my girlfriend over for dinner. i’m glad i got the courage to come out, and im insanely grateful to my family for being so accepting and okay with it. so here i am, typing my story into a website. my name is Hannah and i’m a proud lesbian.

Queer

I knew I was apart of the community my freshman year of highschool when, no matter what I did I couldnt take my eyes off the girl who sat one seat up and to the right of me. It was something I couldn’t fight. I barely knew her aside from her name, but when she wasnt in class I noticed, when she didnt laugh at my jokes like the other 25 kids it didnt seem as funny to me anymore. I couldnt get her to laugh and I was determined and honestly I never did, what made her laugh was out teacher telling me to “leave the poor girl alone” that make her laugh.
When she smiled, I knew.
I grew up in church my entire life, and when I spent weeks thinking about her and trying to come up with jokes, I also spent weeks beating myself down and praying.
I wouldn’t come out for another year to my friends and they all accepted me and I was happy, I felt free. Two years later I was successfully making that same girl smile but now I had to grow some and ask her out. Two years later and she ended up sitting one row up to the right of me again in history class our junior year. I remember just staring at her the entire period, and then pretend I wasnt looking and blush really hard.
A year later I guess i finally said the right thing because we started to date. Yes ive been out for sometime by then, but being with her made me feel invincible. I felt comfortable walking down the streets of nyc holding my beautiful girlfriends hand still telling corny jokes.
All that would dissipate when I went home. My mom found out a year later and she hasnt seen me the same since. We’ve physically fought, she barely talks to me.
When I am home I am a shell but as soon as I am out of those four walls I am a giant of pride and happiness and alive.
Honestly the only reason I really survived it was because aside from being “home,” I get to be myself. My home is with my (still going strong) girlfriend, my amazing friends and the amazing lgbtq+ family.
Im just surviving and one day ill move out of here and then can I fully start to live my life to the fullest.

Lesbian

I have two different coming out stories. My public coming out was a lot sooner than coming out to family. My public coming out happened in college. At the time I wanted to identify as bisexual. I didn’t want to classify myself fully a lesbian and stuck to the safe choice (in my mind) of labeling myself as bisexual. My thought process was that as long as I also like men then I can find some way to relate to my peers.

That all changed Fall semester 2006 of my freshmen year in college. See the thing about me is that I’m afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I don’t like to put myself out there for fear of being awkward or saying something wrong. So with that in mind. My normal M.O. being to hide, I signed up for a religious retreat. Oh, I forgot to mention I was going to a Catholic university in good ole New Orleans, La.

Anyhoo, I signed up for the retreat and ended up going for a full weekend in October. I didn’t know what to expect. Well, I had my assumptions of being told that my feelings are wrong and that I couldn’t be who I was and that God thinks I’m a sinner. All these negative things.

I’m so glad I was way off. That weekend I went on a journey of love and acceptance of myself. It was so profound to meet strangers and see their love and acceptance of me shining in their eyes.

I remember there was a moment in the retreat where the newbies like myself had to close our eyes and trust fellow peers to guide us and shower us with hugs and dancing. It sounds so wacky but it’s probably the most profound feeling of love from complete strangers. The fact that we had to put trust in strangers and in return got shown unconditional love? That to me was unheard of. But the message was received. I may not be able to see my creator, but know that the person you are and the person that is seen is soooooo loved. It blew me away a but it was in that moment I could let go of my past labels and truly embrace me as who I am.

There were so many other parts in that weekend that solidified how loved I am for just being me. After that weekend I came out. To all my friends. People knew I was a lesbian and they accepted me. Ironically, I became heavily involved in the ministry at my university because I wanted others to feel that love I felt and that they could find someone they could relate to. I met my best friends there and I wouldn’t trade it. It helped me live my truth at least outside my home life.

My coming out to my family was rough. I’m Hispanic and my mom is a single mother that raised three awesome kids. She’s an immigrant and was raised with very strict ideals of marriage and life. Since I was the baby I could do no wrong.

That changed when I came out at 22. I was in graduate school in another state. I had just had my first real heart break and called my mom crying. She thought I was pregnant. Nope. Mama, I’m a lesbian. She was hurt. Hurt because she couldn’t understand why I turned out the way I did. Hurt because that’s not the life she wanted for me. She didn’t talk to me for a week.

But after that she slowly started talking to me. She wouldn’t bring it up and for a long time she couldn’t deal. But I got help from someone. My sister helped her see so many things I couldn’t express.

See my mom is a stubborn woman and set in her ways. But she actually opened her mind for me. She had a very strict mindset and no one could really change her mind about things. But she did for me. She opened her mind. She accepted me. My siblings didn’t care.

But my extended family is a different story. I have aunts that know and aunts and uncles that don’t know that would probably not approve. Most of my cousins know. I’m still navigating coming out to my extended family. I’m not out to everyone and I’m 31.

It’s not easy. It’s not easy to see how people’s faces change when you’re out.

But I won’t hide who I am. In public it’s a bit easier because the people that matter most have my back. I know family will come around if they don’t agree. I’m blessed. I got lucky. It could have been worse.

My faith didn’t suffer because of my sexual orientation. My family loves me (the ones that know). And my friendships and professional relationships are great. My truth is not a weakness. It’s my strength that I’ve learned not to apologize for.

Lesbian

I knew I was a lesbian when I was 12 but coming from a big Irish catholic family. I felt that I had to hide that part of me from everyone for so long and as Dom said, it can cause other problems trying to fit into the “normal” way of life and suppressing those feeling and that was VERY VERY hard. I finally came out to all when I was 35 now I am married to a wonderful woman and we have been together 19 wonderful years. There is never a right or wrong time to come out. I wish I did it a lot earlier, it wasnt until my mum was dying of cancer that she said to me and my wife on a visit “Oh I always knew you were gay” That was my mum all over, I think mothers have a sixth sence with their children. Wanted to say that Dom is an inspiration to all young and older queer people. Her brave statement shows to people you are never alone and even if you are, you WILL find your place and be happy to just be you. Xx

Bisexual

i think i finally actually realised i was bisexual last year but i was into girls many years before that but just thought of it as a phase i guess. i actually once said to a friend of mine in school probably about three years ago that i would “mess around for a year or so and then get married properly with a man, just so i could get it out of my system” and when i think back to that it seems so mad to me that that was my mindset and as the years have gone on i see more of a chance of me starting a family with a woman even though i still haven’t came out to my family. my friends all knew but it wasn’t like a big secret because i thought nothing of it in the beginning so i never kept it from them. i’m 18 this year and i haven’t been in a relationship since i was around 14 which was with a boy. i’m scared to come out to my family because although i know they love me endlessly, there is still something in my mind that holds me back. i wish coming out wasn’t such a big thing and although it should be celebrated i also think it shouldn’t be expected. i would like to come home one day and introduce my girlfriend to my family without anyone thinking anything of it.

Always be myself

I realized in high school that I wasn’t attracted to boys, I went to catholic school though, so I kept up a facade. I started seeing females during college. I never really had a “coming out” story, I just kinda came home with a girlfriend one day & that was it. My sisters didn’t care, they love me no matter what. My parents are ok with it, but my mom still occasionally makes comments about dating one of my guy friends, while I do love him, I don’t love him like that. I’ve had my ups & downs with relationships, my 1st one was abusive. Then I was not so no eat with my next & I did cheat. My most recent one was 7 years, it ended back in October, she left me for a friend of a friend, they’d known each other like a month & got married a week after she left me. Since then I’ve been taking time for me, get back in touch with myself, what I want, what’s important, & right now, for me, my family & friends are most important. I lost touch with 2 of my best friends because of my ex, but I got back in touch with them & that’s the best decision I’ve made.
I’m so proud of you Dom for coming out, you are a beautiful person both inside and out. Always be yourself

I don’t how to label what I feel but I don’t care about gender, I only care about personality. That’s what I’m attracted to.

I’m a law student in India and I have not come out yet. I am terrified by the idea of coming out because I know my country nor my family are progressive enough to accept it. Writing it down right now is the first time I’ve ever actually admitted it. I don’t know if I can ever be okay with saying it to my family and friends or live here and live my life out fully.
But I am hopeful because of initiatives like this. Dominique is one of the first mainstream celebrities I’ve ever seen recognize the struggle of this community specifically in India. It somehow made me feel very acknowledged and I am grateful for it.
I intend on moving to another country as a whole just so I could get a chance to live out life the way I really want to.
I love this community.
I don’t know what the label is for me but I have come to understand my attraction to a person has nothing to do with gender, it’s always personality and their aura, but I’ve never acted on any attraction till now. I haven’t ever been in a relationship cause it’s never felt right ever. But the more I introspect, I’ve understood what it is that I’m actually excited to but i cannot say anything just yet. But I hope one day I can.

Dakota, cisgender, lesbian, she/her

I grew up in a small country town in South Carolina. I was always a tomboy, playing with the boys, playing sports and loved getting dirty. I always felt different from everyone, especially girls, and I never understood why. In high school, I had thoughts that maybe I was gay but never understood the term because I never had any representation. Dating guys never worked out so I just assumed I was a broken human. I ended up going to college at a small school in the Northeast and played college softball. One of my teammates was basically like you’re gay and that’s how I pretty much came out to myself. Then the process of coming out to all my friends (they were all great and knew before I did). My favorite thing about college was the ability to discover myself: how I dressed, acted, etc and how comfortable I was. I did discover the pain that comes with heartbreak during my 4 years of undergrad. The struggle of discovering your sexuality at a later age means facing the trial and errors of dating as an adult (confusion, awkwardness). I still don’t know what I’m doing half the time (lol). The hardest person I had to come out to was my dad (at 23) and I still feel like I have to pretend to be someone different around him. It’s a long and hard process. Everyday, I feel like I am discovering something new about myself. It’s definitely tough being a woman who likes the same gender but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Hopefully, one day I can find the love of my life and show her how amazing life can be. It hasn’t been the easiest for me in the 25 years I’ve been alive but if you believe, it can only go up from here.