Community Rainbow Waves

Power in knowledge

I’m 17, and I don’t know myself. Or at least I don’t think I want to know myself. As a child, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to because I didn’t have any siblings (other than a dog). I turned to the media, video games, and fictional characters from TV shows and movies to feel a connection to someone or something. Man, I would sit in front of the TV as a kid and watch these shows where I saw these beautiful people and I would always imagine myself pretending that I was their friend. And as I got older, the same thing happened where I continued enjoying characters. But then around my older teenage years, I realized that maybe it wasn’t an “obsession” with the characters, it was that I really liked them. And I was confused because no one had ever really mentioned this feeling to me, but in my mind, it just made sense. And I’m a relatively athletic person, so I got the whole “tomboy” thing as a kid, so people probably chalked it up to that. But I didn’t. Because, as of recently, I figured out who I was. And while only select people know, it’s cool to like the best of both worlds. Like God must have invented males and females for everyone’s enjoyment, so why not enjoy them both? And I’m lucky to be able to say my parents would be accepting of me, but in a way, I feel like they know, so I have avoided making it a “thing,” because why should they focus on a part of me that’s just who I am? There is no reason. And thanks to many TV shows, like Wynonna Earp and their amazing characters and cast, and movies, and just people in general, they have helped me with who I am.

I’m a lesbian, not a unicorn

I always knew I was different but I didn’t know quite what it was. I remember my Mum asking me if I had ever had feelings for my (girl) friends – at the time I was too young to understand but I didn’t anyway, not to my friends…

Time went by and I grew attached to older female icons but always hid behind the trend at the time whether it was #teamJacob from twilight or some boyband. I followed the norm because like Dom, I was petrified to be different and stand out.

I was 14 when I admitted to myself that I like girls too but I didn’t tell anyone. I kept that burden with me until I went to college.

My Dad picked me up from college one day and it was about a 20 minute drive so I knew I had time. I had decided I was going to tell him. Me and my Dad had always had this unbreakable bond, it probably helped I was a little tomboy too but also had the dancer side to me, anyway, I felt safe to tell him.

I can’t describe the anxiety I had in that car. I’d take a breath ready to say something.. ANYTHING. and nothing would come out…

Finally, I started by asking him not to be disappointed in me – his answer was ‘it’s okay, just tell me.’ I simply responded with ‘What would you say if I told you I didn’t just like boys…?’ He simply replied with, ‘I wouldnt say anything.’ I thought he didn’t understand. I tried again by saying I liked girls. He turned to me and smiled and said “Amy, I know. Whoever you love is fine, it will never change my love for you, you are still my daughter no matter who your partner is.”

The relief was unreal… that weight I had carried round for so long just lifted and gone… I couldn’t believe I was so scared before!! The tears streamed down my face and my Dad stopped the car and held me so tightly and asked why I was crying. All I could say back was ‘relief’.

I knew after telling my Dad I could tell the rest of my family. I texted (yes texted) my Mum because I was quite worried of her reaction and she couldn’t have been more accepting!

My sister obviously made a joke but in a kind hearted way. I knew she was always going to love me no matter what.

And the rest is history, including the boy part .

I am now a 23 year old British gay gal who is loving life as much as possible.

I have found so much comfort in following Dom and her journey and everything to do with Wynonna Earp and Wayhaught. So thank you for that!

Lots of Love,
Amy x

Sam

I knew I was a lesbian in high school but I was too afraid to come out. Growing up, my family never talked about the LGBTQ+ community so I had no idea what I was feeling. Making friends that are apart of this amazing community helped me figure out my story. I came out at 20, no idea how my family would react so I was scared. Luckily, they accepted me and I will always be grateful for that. Now, at 27, I’m still figuring things out as I get older but I’m truly happy and proud to be who I am. I want anyone reading this to know, it gets better. Be who you are and strut your stuff! Sometimes chosen family is the best kind! Thanks for reading!

Someone who falls in love with another person, just for who they are inside.

I think I’ve always known I was queer since a young age, but growing up in a very conservative area, and being told a “man and a woman are supposed to be together” really made me squash any feelings that were perceived “not right”. I’ve always felt scared and ashamed to be my true self because growing up I was bullied severely in high school relating nothing to my sexual orientation. For things like looks, and interests. I never felt safe enough, even within my own household. I still haven’t officially come out to anyone because being completely honest I squashed this part of me for so long that it took hearing Dom’s coming out story to make me finally connect that piece Id been missing for so much of my life. I’ve always loved the idea of just two people in love, regardless of gender, and love is love. My name is Haley and I am into all people. Thank you for giving me this platform to finally say this out loud.

I am queer

I have always felt “out of place.” Dressing like a “tomboy” from the age I was finally able to dress myself everyday. I wanted to hang out with the boys on the playground and play video games with my uncles. Then much later on, in the 7th grade, I started coming across the LGBTQ+ community. It was in brief passing, but slowly and surely I started doing research into the vast world of gender and sexual orientations. I tried to tell my family this over that summer…it didn’t go well. The first person I told was my cousin. He was my best friend at the time. However, he ended up telling his parents who would then tell mine. My parents tried to accept me, but ultimately they just didn’t understand. They didn’t understand how this “change” could just come out of nowhere. Why I wanted to cut my hair and start dressing differently. Most importantly, they were worried that once I came out how it would reflect on them. They were scared. So I hid my identity. I was only true to my close group of friends, who would later on abandon me as well. This lack of support caused me to fall into a deep depression and struggle with mental health for over 4 years now. But, in the midst of all the darkness, I found people who accepted me. I found my best friend. I found my first girlfriend. We dated for several months, however my mom eventually forced me to stop seeing her. Now I live relatively closeted. Waiting for a place I know is safe, free from judgment. But I know who I am. I am queer. I am 16. I am a female. I am a survivor. And I will remain true to myself no matter what because the bravest thing you can do is be yourself <3

Well I’m gay…

Hello first. I am an 18 year old girl who is gay. I come from a Jewish family from Berlin. My parents are Russians, so they’re not the most open people anyway. Actually, I knew pretty early that I wasn’t really into boys, but my whole environment was absolutely against lgbt +. In general, everything that was different. So I hid my feelings and was very unhappy. Until I started looking at wynonna Earp and saw how many people had feelings similar to mine. And then I finally came out. It was very liberating for me, but the reactions were really not great. I mean my parents yelled at me first and called me a disappointment. Some of my siblings had no problem with it, but some kept their distance from then on. When I told my best friend she didn’t really have a bad reaction (I thought). but suddenly she blocked me everywhere and never spoke to me again. But it was worth it. I found new friends who accept me for who I am and I never have to hide again. I thank you Dominique. I don’t think I would have had the courage to come out without you , the show and without this community.

Skylar Counts

I think that an internal battle with yourself is one of the hardest things.

I’m sure we’ve all been there. What do you do when your heart is telling you one thing, but your mind is telling you another?

In my case, my internal battle with myself was my sexuality.

When I was in middle school, I had my first girl crush. I didn’t really think anything of it. I was just like, “Oh, whatever, this will go away.” But it didn’t. The feelings persisted and I found myself in a situation I had never been in before — I had feelings for a girl. I remember being so confused and so scared to be myself. Those feelings resulted in me pushing the girl away and ultimately ending our friendship.

After that, I tried to focus on liking boys. And I did like them, even dated a few. I suppressed the part of myself that liked girls and did what my family, friends, and society told me to do — I liked boys.

When I would get a crush on a girl, I would ignore the feelings and focus on a guy that I thought was cute. That continued in high school. I hid a part of myself from everyone I knew and even from those I didn’t know. I was scared, alone, and struggling. Coming from a family who doesn’t talk about feelings, I suppressed what I was feeling even more. As long as they were happy, I didn’t have to be, right?

Wrong.

My suppressed feelings turned into anger. I was angry that I couldn’t be myself, angry that I couldn’t love a girl because of what others would think of it. How could I be living my truth when I was lying to myself? I was in a constant battle with myself; in a constant battle with what my heart was telling me and what my mind was telling me. My heart told me to take that leap and be unapologetically me, but my mind told me to push those feelings so far down to the point where they would become nonexistent. I had to decide if I was going to let society win or if I was going to let my truth win.

And then, when I was a Sophomore in high school, I stumbled upon a show that changed my life — Wynonna Earp. You’ve heard of it, eh?

I fell in love with the show at first glance. The writing, the cinematography, the acting, but, ultimately, Miss Waverly Earp and her being bisexual. I related to her right away and instead of fear, it brought me comfort. For the first time in my life, I was comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t scared anymore. I was, dare I say, proud.

From that point on, I looked forward to Friday night’s. I could watch Wynonna Earp on the TV in my room and be myself. When I was watching the show, I didn’t have to be the Skylar who only liked boys; I didn’t have to be the Skylar who did what everyone else wanted; I didn’t have to be the Skylar who was scared to be herself. Wynonna Earp gave and still gives me the courage to be myself.

Shortly after I started watching Wynonna Earp, one of my best friends texted me one night and said that he had something he needed to tell me. A few texts later, he came out to me.It was late at night, maybe midnight or one o’clock in the morning, and he asked if he could come pick me up so that we could drive around and talk. So I sneaked out of the house and got in his car.

I remember feeling so free when driving around with him. We were both in a safe space and we had a new sense of comfort with each other. Before we ended our night, we went to Walmart and bought Fruity Pebbles. We ate them in his car and talked, laughed, and made a memory that both of us will remember forever. I almost came out to him that night.

But fear took over again and I pushed those feelings away yet again. It felt like all of my progress flew out out of the window. I was at a loss. I was 17 and, once again, scared, alone, and struggling.

What to do, what to do, what to do…

I lived in that fear for the rest of my high school career. When someone speculated that I was queer, I just shrugged and shook my head. When my mom looked at me weirdly for wearing skinny jeans and a baggy t-shirt instead of more “girly” clothes, I turned away and hung my head. When my family made jokes of me potentially being queer, I laughed along and cried when no one was watching.

I felt defeated, like I was never going to find the courage to be out.

But then I started making friends who were out and proud and that made me feel peaceful. I started being more myself, more my beautifully queer self. And, boy, did it feel good.

I’m 19 now. I’m no longer scared. I no longer have an internal battle with myself. Through my journey so far, I have realized that love comes in many different shapes, sizes, and genders. And with that realization comes the beautiful fact that I can now live my truth. I love humans. I love love. Ultimately, though, I love being queer.

It’s been a long time coming, but all those moments with my friends, family, and society full of fear, uncertainty, and struggle helped shape me into the person I am today. And that is a queer woman, out and proud.

With all of this being said, I want those reading this to know that it’s okay to be scared and confused. Your feelings are valid and you are not disposable. You’re not alone. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can reach me on Instagram and Twitter @sky_counts.

Here’s to being here,

To being queer,

To being unapologetically you.

Spread your beautiful, colorful waves and remember that in light there is love and in love there is happiness.

#OutIsTheNewIn

Lesbian or bisexual who prefers girls, I’m not sure.

I realized I liked girls around the age of 11 but had been confused for many years before that. When I was 8 I chose to cut all my hair off and become one of the boys. I had heard about transgender people on school and thought that explained how I felt. It felt good walking around in clothes from the boy section and looking like a boy but whenever someone actually thought I was a boy I’d get uncomfortable because that wasn’t who I was. Some older girls that I looked really up to would always bully me at school, call me a boy-girl or ask me “what are you?” And refer to me as “it”. They would call me gay as if it was something wrong with it way before i even realized that I was gay. Only a few months after cutting my hair I chose to grow it out again. I started dressing very feminine and didn’t want anyone to think I was different at all. I remember crying myself to sleep when I was 10 because all the other girls had crushes on boys and I hadn’t liked anyone yet. We were making PowerPoint presentations at school when I figured out that asexuality was a thing. I spent the entire class to google different sexualities and didn’t have anything to present at the end of the class. Thinking I was asexual was calming because I knew I wasn’t the only one but scary because I didn’t think I would be able to love anyone at all. I realized I liked girls when my best friend came out when we were 12. Her coming out made me realize that girls could also be an option. After I thought about it for a while I accepted that I liked girls and started coming out to people. I only came out to about 5 people, but one of them told some one else and the rumor started to spread.

It has been going around for a few months now. People have been asking my friends about it too. Some of them have told them but most of them have just said they didn’t know. Im starting in 8th grade in a few weeks which means switching to a bigger school. I want to take the opportunity and change myself, give them no reason to believe the rumor even tho it’s true. It would probably not work since I’ve known over half of the people for over 7 years already but I’ll probably still give it a try. I don’t want to get any attention at the new school. Blending in is my goal but I’m pretty bad at that. Im tall, big and very socially engaged. If someone is homophobic I will call them out for it, if they make a racist joke I will tell them that it’s not okay. Arguing about immigration politics with white supremacy teachers and informing other students about different sexualities and gender identities doesn’t make you blend in. It makes people think you’re gay and supporting terrorist. Supporting human rights are looked at like a bad thing. I really don’t wanna come out anymore. After hearing what people have said about me only because they’ve heard from someone that I’m gay I really don’t think I ever will. I recently found out that one of my best friends are homophobic and that she thinks gays deserve die and that it’s wrong to be attracted to people of the same sex. She told me that she loved me the same week. As much as I would love to leave her behind and not talk to her again, I can’t. Because she cares about me as a straight person so if I just keep it that way, it won’t be a problem. And to be honest, I care about her too. I shouldn’t, but I do.

I don’t know if any of this made sense but I’m only 13 and English isn’t my native language so this is kinda hard.

Respect to everyone who has come out. I’m very proud of you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. You’re brave and I hope you’re well. And for those who haven’t come out yet, I’m cheering for you<3

Queer

Looking back at my sexual awakening. I always knew I was ‘different’ but didn’t fully understand what meant. I thought at first my feelings towards women had to be wrong because of what happened to me when I was 14 with a trusted female adult. Those feelings were tied to shame. A shame that I am now beginning to deal with and understand. Then of course being bullied about being queer growing up- it forced me want to bury any of those feelings and never let them surface. Then when I finally, sort of started to acknowledge my feelings towards woman; it was with a woman that physically assaulted me- more than once. I always blamed myself and thought if liking a woman means some sort of trauma happens, I don’t want a part of it. So back to hiding I went. It wasn’t until I was 23 when I realized I couldn’t keep hiding this part of me and had to see what it meant. That is when I gathered some courage and asked out my kickboxing instructor. I got shot down but it was because she was already in a relationship. She didn’t let me leave feeling discourage. She introduced me to the queer community. I met so many great people who were welcoming and comfortable with who they are. I had my first healthy female relationship and I knew there was no going back after that. Despite the cruel things that would happen walking down the street holding hands. The pain of hiding my truth was more painful than the pain my traumas had caused.

After awhile of just accepting and exploring this part of myself. I decided to tell my sister, who was overall supportive but thought it was a phase. My Dad asked if I was gay because I was living in a city. Like somehow a city turned me gay? I wasn’t sure how to unpack that question. He also thought it was a phase and I just needed to get it out of my system. When I told my childhood friend about this part of me, she forcibly tried to kiss me. When I denied her, she was like, “see you aren’t attracted to women”. Holy terrifying. I knew that was a completely inaccurate statement to make and that she didn’t understand.
My family and friends had only ever known me to be in relationships with guys. I didn’t know I needed to choose. I knew I was attracted to both sexes. It confused me too. Eventually, I realized that I am attracted to guys and can be with guys but I feel a deeper connection when I am with women. Once I realized that part of me, it was much easier to communicate and accept my sexuality.
Things aren’t always going to make sense or be easy but never let it stop you from your truth. Know that in the what seems like the darkest of times there is always a light, even if you have to look really hard for it.

Becoming the man I am, the man I want to be. And reclaiming the things I had resented over the years.

Growing up I was one of the boys, gender didn’t matter. Playing outside, drawing with chalk on sidewalks, riding around in our little toy go carts and just generally being happy, back then no one cared about labels, boy or girl.
We cared about our friends and loved them no matter what.
Starting school was different, suddenly I was pushed into the role of the gender I was assigned at birth, made to wear pink clothes, not getting the car or dragon bag I wanted, instead it was pink, with cats on it – I don’t have anything against cats, or the color Pink in fact – but back then, it was the worst thing that could happen to me, being forced into wearing and doing things that were stereotypically feminine, it hurt. It really hurt.
Because I perceived myself completely differently from the people around me. I wasn’t and still am not a girl. I never was.

It took years for me trying to figure out my place in this world, who I was and who I strived to be. When I was twelve I finally was able to get the haircut I always wanted, short hair. And boy did it feel great.
I knew that trans people existed, my mother even was friends with a trans man When I grew up, but I still didn’t realize that people assigned female at birth could transition to male.
I mean how could I have known? The representation lacked and still is lacking, but I will elaborate on what that means to me later.
I only knew about trans women existing so when I finally realized that trans men existed, and I would be able to transition, I jumped with joy.

But then the dread settled in, how would I tell the people around me?
My Mama? My grandparents? My friends?
What if they wouldn’t want me anymore because I am me? Should I live my life unhappy? I also had a bad case of imposter syndrome, constantly questioning myself when I knew I was so sure.
So I took small steps, telling my mother about the possibility that I might not be female, as she perceived. Telling a few friends and so far everyone reacted nicely, no one badmouthed me or told me how wrong I was for finding out who I was.

Still it took me years after that, until March of this year to be exact. To finally be able to voice proudly who I was, that I was David, not the name chosen for me at birth. Finally, telling people to please respect my name and pronouns.

2020 so far has been detrimental for me, being able to start treatment soon (I hope that I can be on HRT before summer 2021, and so far that might be the case), I figured where I want to go in life, and I finally reclaimed things I was grown to resent because of the perception being stereotypically female.
I am able to wear pink again! Wear nail polish or ear rings, which made me so uncomfortable before.
I figured out what I want to do in life, I want to give people like me and the LGBTQ+ community the representation it deserves. If that does not work out, I will go into psychology to help LGBTQ+ youth find themselves. I just desperately want to give the community what they deserve, and what I did not have growing up.

I still have a long journey to go, but I’ve already come this far, I’ve already had so much thrown at me that I am ready to face the world as who I am.

And I hope that i will read this one day, proud of what I’ve achieved, proud of the young man I am now.

I hope this message gives people the strength they need. Love the people around you, no matter who they are or want to be. Spread love.

Stay healthy, Be safe, be proud.

Much love
-David